


To Love and to Hear You

by daysofyou



Series: To Love [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Artist Clarke, Clexa, Clexa Love, Clexa smut, Eventual Smut, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Love, Minor Anya/Raven Reyes, Other, The 100 - Freeform, Writer Lexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 12:52:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10831668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daysofyou/pseuds/daysofyou
Summary: Clarke and Lexa have been dating for over 2 years. They were best friends beforehand and they are madly in love. When Clarke asks a huge question, there's no time to waste looking back on every single thing they've done together before giving her answer. A Clexa AU about Clarke and Lexa's love leading up to a big, yet very easy decision. Love, fluff, smut, cute things, Clexa





	1. Do You?

 

This was crazy, it really was. At least it was to everyone else. Not to Lexa, though. Lexa actually very much enjoyed jogging at 5:30 in the morning around the neighborhood. She adored seeing the sky in it’s prime moments of light purple fading to baby blue. She enjoyed the air at that particular moment of the morning because it didn’t feel so stifling or stuffy. It felt cool and fresh but not too cold to make her throat feel like it was being struck with a thousand tiny needles. 

No, she didn’t think she was crazy. Octavia would groan every time Lexa mentioned going for a run. She knew her friend would never agree to it, but it was fun pestering the fellow green eyed goddess. She liked when her friends made fun of her. It was the light kind of teasing that makes you feel comfortable and at home. Like each and every joke and jab was a crackle from a homey fireplace set ablaze to keep the air warm. But not too warm to the point she felt herself sweating. 

If Lexa had to chose what her favorite part of her ass crack of dawn runs were, she would say it was coming home to Clarke still in bed, tangled up in their light blue bed sheets, naked with messy blonde hair splayed all over her pillow as she hugged Lexa’s, unconsciously aware of Lexa’s absence. But she entered their loft apartment that morning at roughly 6:10 am, clanked her chain of keys down in the little turtle bowl Clarke made a year ago in her spare time whilst lacking motivation for a painting, and was welcomed with a bright yellow post it note that had Clarke’s scribbly handwriting on it. Lexa smiled to herself and picked it up. 

Don’t take your shoes off yet.  
You still have a bit of running  
Around to do.  
Your first clue: The place I  
Met my best friend  
-Clarke<3 

Lexa stared down at her girlfriend’s sloppy handwriting, dumbfounded. She was surprised Clarke had even been awake this early. Trying to wake her early in the morning was like poking a grizzly bear with a stick. Clarke had always been the romantic type. Whenever Lexa would come home from a long day of work at the office, beat and drenched in fatigue, Clarke would make one of Lexa’s favorite dinners, or fill the apartment up with candles, which was inevitably Lexa’s weakness, or maybe she would just hand her a flower and carry her to bed where they bared themselves and Clarke would hold her until she fell asleep, which was always very quickly if she had a long day. But this was new. It seemed Clarke had put together a little scavenger hunt for Lexa on their day off. Lexa was completely fine with that as long as her prize was Clarke. She knew where her first destination was like the back of her hand. Clarke and Octavia told it a million times when they got drunk, and a million more when they were sober. 

Lexa grabbed her thicker sweater from the hook on the closet door and grabbed her keys once more before leaving the dark apartment. This time, she took her time walking to the place Clarke first met Octavia. Knowing Clarke, Lexa had practically all day. She loved seeing the neighborhood wake up. Before Clarke, she wouldn’t have. She would have felt the urge to run and hide. The sounds of people’s laughter wouldn’t make her cringe, but they would have put a damper on her mood. She hated the sun until she met the sun and fell in love with her rays of blonde hair, and sky blue eyes with a pearly white smile filled with warmth all the way from her head to her toes. No, Lexa never really was a people person when she lived under a constant dark sky, and she still wasn’t even after she met Clarke. But now it was easier to appreciate them and the society that fills around them in their town. It was easier to appreciate the beauty of the outside even with all of the buildings and honks from cars. 

Lexa stopped in front of the large hospital that first housed Clarke, as well as Octavia. She grinned at the story that has forever been imprinted into her brain. She let it play in her mind as she entered and walked to the front desk. The lady behind it was filing her long pink nails humming an unfamiliar tune. She had blue scrubs on with a raspberry jelly stain on the shirt. Right near her name tag. Debby.

“Um, hi,” Lexa murmured, her palms started to sweat. “Have you got a note or something for me?”

“Lexa Woods?” The lady, Debby, smiled and set her nail filer onto the desk with a small tap. Lexa mentally face palmed herself knowing she forgot to say her name. She always fumbled over her words when she talked to strangers. Clarke knew that better than anyone. 

“Yes, that’s me,” Lexa half smiled. 

“Well, sugar I do indeed have a note for you,” Debby’s grin grew wider as she revealed two gold front teeth. “But you’ll have to answer this question first.”

“Of course, what is it?”

“What is the room number?” 

This one was easy. That was Clarke and Octavia’s lucky number. Hearing them talk about it for years rubbed off on her. Her and Clarke’s apartment number was 8. They also met on August 8th, the 8th day after Clarke and Octavia’s birthday. Clarke was born in room 8 alongside Octavia at 8 am.

“Room 8,” Lexa said proudly. Debby smiled warmly and gestured for Lexa to follow her. The hospital smell made Lexa a bit nauseous and the lights were all too bright. The wall had professional paintings that Clarke would laugh at if it were any other place and there was a section of painted handprints from the children that lived under the hospital’s roof. It made Lexa’s heart twinge when she saw the tiniest hand in purple. 

Debby stopped in front of room 8 and held a hand towards the open room, telling Lexa to go in. The room had two hospital beds and a large window overlooking the city. There was a bright shimmery red heart balloon on the table by the hospital bed closest to the window, and Lexa eagerly made her way over to it. She picked up the yellow post it note and tangled the balloon string around her index finger. Clarke’s handwriting was no neater than before, but the words made her laugh.

That was an easy one  
Octavia tells that story  
A million times, not like I do ;)  
Now the place I met my second  
Best friend  
Pimples and rock and roll bands  
-Clarke<3

Lexa folded the note and shoved it into her sweater pocket and made her way to the doorway where Debby still stood, dabbing away fallen tears from her eyes and cheeks. Lexa stopped in her tracks, baffled and worried. Debby waved her hand at Lexa.  
“Love is beautiful,” Debby sniffled. Confused, Lexa smiled and nodded a thank you before walking past the blubbering woman and down the hall wondering what the hell Clarke was up to.

 

**~~**

 

Lexa tied the sleeves of her sweatshirt around her hips as she leaned on the fence of the middle school. She had ran there knowing the school was too far for a walk and she was more eager to get to Clarke after seeing the nurse at the hospital cry at the romance Clarke was twirling Lexa in. She realized she probably could’ve grilled the nurse until she told her what Clarke had planned, but that would’ve ruined everything and upset Clarke. And Clarke being upset was definitely something Lexa did not want.  
She searched the perimeter of the fence, letting her fingertip glide along the rusty metal diamonds. She stopped near the large oak tree near the bushes where Clarke and her friends would drink small sips of vodka during recess. She was a rather rebellious middle schooler, Lexa always thought. Lexa stopped at the part of the fence that still had a large piece of red cloth from Raven’s shirt. Some loose threads from the cloth swayed in the whisper of a breeze, but the entire cloth tied itself around a yellow note. Lexa’s nimble thin fingers untied the knot and pulled the note free, leaving the fabric alone still stuck to the fence. She unfolded it and began to read

That one wasn’t very hard either  
Raven still likes to complain about  
That damn shirt.  
Now here’s where it gets good my  
Green eyed beauty  
The place I first saw the love of my life  
-Clarke<3

Lexa had to think about this one. Clarke always joked about the first time she really saw Lexa. Sometimes she would say she saw Lexa in the grocery store in aisle 8 where she was guiltily buying 20 milky ways. Other times she would say she first saw her in Lexa’s old job at a burger joint near their college. But then Lexa remembered her and Clarke’s first night together. After their hearts had stopped thudding and their breathing went back to normal, Clarke confessed the truth of where she first saw Lexa into the smooth skin of Lexa’s neck which then held a ton of red hickeys.  
Lexa left the middle school and began her long trek to Polis University. 

Polis was a large uni. But once you mapped it all out in your brain it seemed like the smallest place on earth. Lexa remembered loving the smell it had. It didn’t smell like sweat and piss and armpits like it did in high school. It smelled somewhat like a clean office with new supplies. It smelled like freedom, adulthood, education. And as soon as she first stepped into Psychology, it smelled like Clarke.

Lexa walked through the maze of halls, saying quick hello’s to old professors that once lectured her brain into migraines and made her once controlled body sleep deprived and coffee dependent. She opened the door to psychology and breathed in the smell of Clarke’s perfume. The room was empty, the seats all pushed in except for one. The sun shone down right onto it and Lexa laughed at herself for thinking of how damn beautiful and perfect it was.  
She walked to the desk and bent down to push the chair in, then picked up the note with a brain sticker on it. 

I was sitting right in this desk and you  
Were sitting in the front with your  
Cute little glasses on the bridge of  
Your nose and your hair was in a  
Messy bun and you were the most  
Beautiful thing I’d ever seen.  
I didn’t get much studying done that  
Semester. Now, the place we first met  
-Clarke<3

Lexa put the note in her pocket with the others and sat down on the desk a moment. She thought of what Clarke might be doing. Was she just making up for their two year anniversary she missed because of the big opening party at the art gallery? Or was she simply trying to make their day off spontaneous and adventurous since all they normally did was cuddle on the couch and watch reruns of Impractical Jokers? She didn’t know. But she knew she had to go to the park in order to find out. Before she hopped off of the dark, smooth wood of the desk, something caught her eye. There was a small drawing on the corner of the desk done in sharpie. Lexa gasped and grinned at the small image of herself with her glasses on the bridge of her nose and her hair falling out of the bun in small strands. The sweater falling down on one side of her shoulder exposing a bra strap and very detailed set of collar bones. Lexa touched the dry ink with her finger and felt her heart flutter. She knew one thing about tonight; she was going to kiss Clarke. Everywhere.

 

**~~**

 

The pond still had ducks swimming in it although it was fall and nearly almost winter. The park was right near Polis so it wasn’t that far of a walk Lexa walked with a spring in her step hoping she was getting closer to Clarke. She felt so far she was doing pretty good. She had always been good at these types of things. It’s her determination and eagerness to see what comes of it all. People sat in the grass on blankets, reading books, talking, holding hot cups of pumpkin spice coffee in their gloved hands, and some kids played near the sandlot. This is how it looked most every day. Except for the day they had officially met. 

Lexa sat on the small bench under the large tree that swooped over to hide her from the clouds. She plucked the note from the right armrest and revealed a carving into the black metal: “CG + LW 4eva”. Lexa laughed at the cheesiness of the sentimental gesture and focused on the note. As she read, she unconsciously rolled the edges of the note between her index finger and her thumb. 

I was having an extremely bad day  
And was letting off steam in the only  
Relaxing place I could find  
Then you came and sat next to me  
You were in a wool sweater and a  
Large puff jacket but you were still  
Shivering. When I offered you my  
Coat of course you said no.  
I draped it around you anyway.  
Then we started talking about the  
Weather as if it wasn’t so cliche  
Then we dipped into our dreams,  
Our fantasies, our goals, our lives  
I was just absolutely mesmerized by  
You. That’s when I knew I just had to  
Know you. Caspian the great spitter.  
-Clarke<3

Lexa chuckled to herself. She definitely knew where she was headed to next. It was the coffee shop her and Clarke went to almost every day after they became close friends. The place always smelled somewhat like Christmas. It had a mixed scent of cinnamon, apple pie and coffee and lipstick. It also smelled like cold. Like snow even if the sun was out and the air made everyone’s skin cry and hair stick to the sides of their faces. It was a homey place. A lovely place. 

Lexa unlocked her phone as soon as she rounded the corner and continued to walk towards Arkadia Bevz. She was surprised to see no texts or notifications at all. It was almost 5 o’clock and usually Octavia would have texted her by now asking some stupid question about a movie they watched previously or what she should do about her snobby coworker in the self defense class she teaches. Or she would have gotten a call from Raven asking her what club they’re going to on Friday night and if she has any date’s for her. The least she expected was a message from Anya complaining about the inmates at the prison she guards. But there was nothing. Zero. Notta. All that flashed back to her was the screensaver of her and Clarke smiling big at the zoo from last summer. Clarke’s arm around Lexa’s waist holding her close ear the giraffe exhibit. Lexa was about to open her texts and text Anya or Octavia and Raven or maybe even Clarke until she heard someone shout her name. She looked up and saw the man in the black apron who whole heartedly hates her and Clarke’s guts. He was standing outside the doors to Arkadia Bevs , right next to the chalkboard that said, “Specials Today Are: Raspberry Mocha, Pumpkin Spice Anything, Lexa Scone From Home”

Lexa stared at it wide eyed. She didn’t know how she got the dude to do this, but she did, and although he did, he looked pissed.

“Are ya gonna come in and get your damn drink and scone or not?” He spat at her before she could reply. 

She followed him into the coffee shop and disappeared behind the counter for a moment. She noted he didn’t look any cleaner than usual. His hair was still mussed up like he crawled out of bed only seconds ago and his apron had burn holes all over it. He was a jerk on the outside, but on the inside Lexa knew he was a big softy. He reappeared fast and shoved the white chocolate cinnamon scone and the Pumpkin Spice Anything to her. She picked up the scone and searched it over. Clarke had made it, and it was her favorite kind. She sighed in relief and sat it back down next to her coffee. There was Clarke’s handwriting right on the coffee cup. Lexa started digging through her pocket for some cash but the man stopped her. 

“It’s on the house. And no, your little girlfriend didn’t pay for it either. I wouldn’t let her.” His cheeks flushed as he looked down and scuffed his foot against the smooth floor. Lexa couldn’t help but giggle at his demeanor. He looked so unlike himself. She grabbed her scone and coffee and placed a hand on his arm. 

“Thank you, Caspian. You’re such a nice guy.” 

She then left and before she could get all the way out the door, she heard the man huff out in annoyance, “For fucks sake, my name is Murphy!” 

Lexa bit into the scone as she read the next note. Her tongue was rewarded with deliciousness and she groaned in delight. 

Caspian has a kickass name but what an  
Asshole he is huh, babe? We could never  
Get a scone without a snarky remark and  
A nice big glob of spit on top. But it was  
Nice because at least he could make our  
Coffee right. Hope your beautiful legs aren’t  
Getting too tired because there’s a ton of  
Places to go. But there’s no place like home  
-Clarke<3

 

**~~**

 

The old movie theaters greeted Lexa with the smell of stale popcorn and spilled lemon lime soda. But this place made Lexa sigh in heavy contentment. She could still see her and Clarke outside the front doors nervously fumbling for words as if it was their first time hanging out. Lexa walked up to the doors where the sticky note stuck to the glass. Lexa stood in the exact same spot she stood over 2 years ago. This was where Clarke and Lexa were going to ask the same question. 

Remember when we went to see the Wizard of Oz  
That night and you told me it was your favorite  
Movie and you used to dress up as Dorothy  
For Halloween when you were a kid? I remember  
How happy you looked. How your sweetness just  
Emitted from you and it made my heart pound  
And my chest ache. That night, I was going to  
Ask you to be my girl but you beat me to it  
And nothing has ever felt so right in my life  
The key to my heart is in your palm  
In your heart.  
-Clarke<3

Lexa had a feeling she was getting really close to wherever Clarke was. She had to be. The sun would be setting soon. The road leading up to the art gallery Clarke worked at was almost completely empty. Lexa loved it and hated it at the same time. Nowhere was safe. She always believed that. Then she met Clarke and everywhere was safe as long as she had the beautiful blonde by her side. It was peaceful on the other hand. There was faint sounds of cars and people singing on their porch steps in the neighborhoods close by. Her body was buzzing as she walked up to building. She hadn’t seen Clarke all day which would have usually made her extremely upset considering they both work quite a bit, but she knew Clarke was up to something amazing. 

There on the silver door handles of the glass doors to the gallery hung a necklace with a key on it. And above it was a yellow sticky note stuck to the glass. Lexa put the necklace around her neck and and clasped the ends together so now the key rested against her chest just below her collarbones. Lexa pulled the sticky off of the glass and tried not to wipe away the smudge from the stickiness from the yellow post it.

When I asked you to move in with me, Octavia was mad  
At the both of us for 3 weeks because I didn’t tell her my  
Plans, yet I told Raven. She still loved you, though and  
Decided to give me the cold shoulder until I let her win  
At jenga on Saturday game night. Things were so light  
Back then. You were so surprised and I remember  
Thinking you might say no, how the fear swelled up  
Inside of me and threatened to pop me like a balloon.  
But then you had that look in your eyes and I just knew.  
When you didn’t say anything, grabbed my cheeks,  
And kissed me, I knew that you were my forever.  
Your favorite place on earth is where you’ll find me  
-Clarke<3 

 

Lexa didn’t think before she jogged her way to the apartment she shared with Clarke. She ran all the way to her car and pulled out her keys with shaky hands. She jumped into the car and immediately pulled out of the lot and made her way to the outskirts of town. Her car coughed and lurched forward as she accelerated the gas. She pulled into a dirt road and started to drive up the mountain. Her heart was racing and although the weather was anything but hot, she was sweating and she tried her hardest to keep the car in its lane. After about 15 minutes of driving uphill, she spotted her favorite place on earth and pulled in and parked. She stepped out of the car and glanced around. The inhaled the intense smell of pine and sighed. You could see the whole town from up there. The sun was setting on below the horizon and there were candles lining the trail to the open spot. Lexa lot of how that was a bad fire hazard, but decided to ignore it then and let them lead her way to her girl. 

She stepped into the flat open space and there Clark was. Lexa’s jaw dropped at the sight of her. Clarke had on Lexa’s favorite blue dress that clung to her in all the right ways, sculpting her curves. She had a hand behind her back and a note in the one visible. Lexa can see the look on her lover’s face, and realization courses through her. Shock hits her like a wrecking ball smashing into a brick building. Still, her legs continue to move on their own accord, and she stops directly in front of Clarke. She doesn’t think she can muster up the right words or get out all of her feelings. But then she thinks she doesn’t have to when Clarke looked down at the note and began to read in her husky voice. 

“When you showed me this place and told me about your parents, I knew you gave me your full trust and I could never get over how strong you were for that. In such an awful situation you were still able to see the beauty in things.” Clarke let out a shaky sigh. “And I admired you so much, I wanted to take you in my arms and sit here in this little spot in this town forever. But as the time passed, I realized that I can spend forever with you anywhere. You are my light, Lexa. You make my stomach flutter, my laughter brighter, my soul free, and my heart ache. As I stand here with you right now in your favorite place in the world, I realized my favorite place in the world is anywhere with you. And I want to spend whatever eternity I have beside you, loving you, supporting you, picking you up when you’re down, and kissing and holding you, so,” Clarke got down on one knee and grabbed lexa’s left hand. 

Lexa gasps and cups her free hand over her mouth. Tears slid down her pink cheeks and ran down her thin fingers. Her long brown hair started to fly in the small gust of wind, and she started to shiver. This time it was because of something entirely else than the chill. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to.

“I don’t think you’ll beat me to it this time, little bird. Lexa Indra Woods, will you marry me?”


	2. Pine Trees and Sniffles

“And when a person behaves this way it’s called,” The psychology professor, Mr.Kane babbled on about different things, making his students take as many notes as they could as he spoke fast. Lexa sat in her seat writing at supersonic speed, trying to get every single thing Professor Kane said into her notes. Her hand worked so fast, it probably just looked like a huge blur to everyone else. She felt her hand start to ache, and once Professor Kane moved onto things she already knew, she willed herself a break. She sat her pen down and leaned back in her chair. Professor Kane paced back and forth, waving his hands as he spoke. His black hair had one single silver streak in it and his dirt brown eyes were meant to be threatening, but they were oddly comforting. He always gave his students a break if need be. That is, if you were a good student.

Clarke sat in the third row, eyes trained on the beautiful brunette. Since the first moment she saw her, she couldn’t tear her eyes away. She always ended up walking back to her apartment every day wondering what the brunette was like. If she was as into her work as she looked. Always so focused and prepared and neat. And oh so beautiful. Octavia and Raven would usually make fun of her for having her head in the clouds, Lexa being in that particular sky. But Clarke always just shrugged it off knowing nothing would probably ever happen. Clarke Griffin had never been a shy one. She was outgoing, confident, and friendly. She was also a party animal when it came to college parties and clubbing. And when she saw something she wanted, nothing stood in her way of going to get it. But this time it was different for the blonde. And she couldn’t quite figure out why. Lexa had this feeling about her. This wonderful vibe that told Clarke she wasn’t just a hookup in some dorm bathroom, or a date for 3 months then end it type of girl. She seemed serious and mature. And all in all, she seemed absolutely intelligent and grounded. But Clarke would never say those things out loud. Especially not to Octavia and Raven.

“Alright, class we’ll pick up where we left off on Tuesday,” Professor Kane rubbed his hands together. “Have a wonderful day.” 

With that, Lexa packed up her stuff feeling relieved it was time to go. She didn’t have anymore classes until Monday. Thursday nights were good because she got to go home to an empty apartment to watch old movies on the couch with a nice cup of hot chocolate and a fuzzy blanket. Her roommate, Anya was out on Thursday nights bartending until the bar closed at 2am. Anya’s cat, Stitch would usually curl up on Lexa’s lap right as she got comfortable, looking like a huge fat fuzz ball. Lexa smiled at the wonderful thought and slung her bag over her shoulder, ready to go when she got a text from Anya.

Anya 6:42:  
I got the night off and we’re going to a party

Lexa stopped in the middle of walking and stared down at the dim screen. Maybe she could make an excuse to get out of it. She hated parties. All of those people getting drunk off their ass, or getting so high they weren’t in touch with reality, and the loud music and a variety of different conversations bugged Lexa. She hated the smell of vomit and weed and the chug! chug! chug! chug! Coming from the group of people around the keg. Frat boys always tried to hit on her which made her skin crawl. She always tried telling them she didn’t swing that way, but they were drunk and only gave her sick perverted smiles and told her just in fact how sexy that really was. She had to get out of it. 

Anya 6:32  
And don’t even try getting out of it  
You need to get out and socialize.  
I don’t like bringing this up but  
You can’t let Costia ruin you  
forever.

Lexa cringed at the text, trying not to let the bad memories invade her once more. But as always, whenever Costia’s name is heard or read, they all come rushing into Lexa, running through her veins, punching her brain and cutting open her heart. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to clear the burning numb feeling coursing through her body. She grabbed onto the chair beside her and focused on breathing. She hadn’t been like this in a month and she was so proud of herself. It hurt, but Anya was right. She had to at least try to get out more. Costia no longer controlled her. Costia no longer had Lexa wrapped around her finger. Lexa had to remind herself she was gone, she moved on, and she was going to be okay. That although the pain was still there, she could get through this. She spent months telling herself it was her fault. It was all her fault for setting the relationship on fire and letting it burn to the ground, that she just wasn’t good enough and never would be. She only brought pain and irritation to the ones she loved. And for that, she felt she deserved the hurt. She deserved Costia leaving her and sleeping in another girl’s bed. But Lexa knew she had to try to get a move on. It’s been almost a year. Costia’s gone and happy. The least she can do is be happy now, too. Maybe she would meet a new girl at the party, if she was that lucky. But she knew she never truly ever was that lucky. 

Lexa 6:35  
Fine. But I’m not carrying your drunk ass home

Anya 6:35  
You know you will, momma friend ;)

Lexa walked to the exit, totally oblivious to Clarke’s worried eyes following her. Clarke wanted to see if Lexa was okay. But then Lexa let her hand drop from the chair as she texted something into her phone, then walked out of the room with a sigh. Clarke heaved out a breath and was attacked by two pairs of thin arms wrapping around the front and back of her body. The blonde jumped and let out a sigh of relief as she saw Octavia grinning up at her, and Raven dug her chin into Clarke’s shoulder.  
“We’re going to a party tonight! Bellamy got a bunch of booze!” Raven exclaimed and squeezed the blonde tighter.  
“Saw you gawking at miss sexy and mysterious,” Octavia wagged her eyebrows.  
“Oh shut up.” Clarke patted her two best friends away and laughed. “At least I wasn’t the one with Lincoln’s tongue down my throat.”  
Octavia’s cheeks turned cherry red. She had been seeing Lincoln for awhile now and she’d been waiting for him to make it official. The man took forever to get his feelings out.  
“Yeah and there’ll be more of it at the party,” Raven winked as they all walked out laughing, Octavia grinning ear to ear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The party was loud as Lexa expected. There were even strobe lights and mini rainbow colored disco balls flashing a copious of colors on the white walls of the apartment. Anya was on her seventh shot of whiskey, and Lexa was on her fourth straight drunk male to turn down. Some drunk girls had even hit on her surprisingly, though she turned them down too. One had one boob hanging out of her black tank top and the other was missing a row of teeth. How they got into Polis, she didn’t know, or maybe they were just skimpy mutuals. Either way, she kindly declined, ignored the protests and hot liquor breath, and didn’t watch as they stumbled their way onto someone willing. 

She tried to find ways to have fun, or the least bit of it, but really she hated parties. She would much rather be watching The Misfits with Stitch on that comfy brown couch. Instead, she was forcing herself away from college boys and babysitting an intoxicated Anya. 

Lexa was too busy gawking at a skinny girl chugging from the keg upside down, that she missed Anya slipping away from her with some unfamiliar face. Lexa searched through the loud crowd and shouted out Anya’s name through the thrumming music, but she was gone. Lexa threw her hands up in frustration and decided to give up. Anya was a big girl. She could take care of herself, and as much as Lexa told herself this, she couldn’t force the worry in her down. She was the mom friend after all. 

After ten more minutes of endless searching, Lexa stepped out onto the balcony into the cool, fresh night air. It was extremely chilly, and Lexa mentally kicked herself for not bringing a coat. She rubbed her hands over the goosebumps on her arms and heaved out a sigh. ‘Nothing good comes from drinking,’ She thought to herself and stared down at the overfilled parking lot. Some drunk guys were stumbling around, laughing and singing as if it were the only time they’d ever be able to have so much fun. As if this was the most exhilarating time of their lives. And maybe it was. 

Lexa shook her head at them and gripped the railing of the balcony. She hadn’t noticed someone else was out there too when she heard a husky giggle come from beside her. Lexa jumped a thousand feet, thwacked her hand against her chest, and stared at the blonde with wide eyes. The blonde, realizing she startled her, laughed more. Lexa recognized her. She was in her psychology class. She sat in the third row, and she always looked bored to death like she didn’t want to be there. Her hair was always down, and she almost always had makeup on. Lexa wondered what the blonde looked like without it. And there was that perfume she always smelt whenever she entered the class. The smell of roses and peaches with a dash of apples. It was an odd mixture, but it really did do amazing wonders to her senses. She thought she was absolutely breathtaking. 

The blonde opened her mouth as if she were about to speak, but then another girl came out onto the balcony, throwing her arms around the blonde, giggling. Lexa didn’t know why she felt so disappointed. 

“Clarrrrrkeeee,” The girl with long, straight brown hair whimpered. “I thought I lossss you, don leef me a-gennnnn,” She slurred. The blonde chuckled again, sending chills through Lexa. Hot chills. Oh god, no.

“C’mon, Octavia. Let’s get your drunk little ass home,” The blonde, Clarke, laughed and swung just one of Octavia’s arms over her shoulder.

“But I wan Lincoln,” Octavia protested as they made their way back into the apartment. 

“Lincoln told me he wants you home safe, and that if he can’t take you home, he’d send you to me. Come on O.” Clarke soothed her drunk friend, and they disappeared into the crowd of sweaty, dancing bodies. 

Lexa sighed, not sure as to why she missed Clarke’s presence. She knew the blonde was about to say something before she got interrupted. That’s probably what it was. She simply just wanted to know what Clarke would have said. But god, she was gorgeous. Her hair was down like usual, she wore a black leather jacket over a white shirt that showed some cleavage (not that Lexa’s eyes roamed there at all) And she had dirty converse on matching her black skinny jeans. Why had she made Lexa’s mouth dry, yet water at the same time? Lexa shook the thoughts from her head and turned around. Seeing Octavia being carried away by Clarke reminded her she had to find Anya and get them home so she could quit worrying and maybe relax for the remainder of the night. 

Lexa searched for a solid hour before finding Anya pinned against the wall in the unusually large coat closet by a football player. His mouth hungrily devoured Anya’s and Lexa cringed. She tapped the man on his bulging, veiny bicep but he still continued mingling spit with her best friend. She then patted his arm with three little hits. He tore his mouth from Anya’s and gave Lexa a Are-You-Fucking-Kidding-Me look. Then some sort of realization glazed over his hooded eyes and he nodded, gesturing for Lexa to join. Lexa’s heart jumped into her throat. 

“Oh no no no no!”, Lexa shook her head. She could see in the darkness of the coat closet Anya laughing her head off. 

“Thas enough, Porky I needa go,” Anya slurred in between chuckles. Lexa thought there would be some sort of protest, or anger from this Porky fellow, but to her surprise he just shrugged and stepped aside, letting Anya pass to Lexa. Lexa huffed angrily, grabbed Anya’s hand and dragged her to the exit. Anya laughed the whole walk home, having the hardest time zipping and buttoning her jeans. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Octavia groaned as she walked into the kitchen and filled a glass of water and poured two tiny capsules into her hand. The sun was completely covered by clouds today, lucky for Octavia and the rest of party goers with massive hangovers. Clarke sat on the couch in the living room and grinned as she watched Octavia down the painkillers, resting her elbows on the counter.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Clarke sing songed. “Feeling extra energized today? Say, you wanna go for a run?” Octavia glared at her best friend and flipped her the bird. Clarke giggled and turned her attention back to the charcoal drawing she had been working on for an hour. She heard the flop of body against leather and turned to see Octavia curled up in the brown leather recliner with a thick duvet wrapped around her and a mug of steaming coffee in her hands.  
“Where’s Raven?” Octavia asked, sipping from the hot beverage. 

“She’s at Wick’s. She texted me last night while I was getting your drunk ass into bed,” Clarke said without malice.

“Okay but who always sets you up when you need sex? That’d be me. So we’re even,” Octavia said, and groaned again, rubbing a temple with one hand.

“That hasn’t happened for a long time,” Clarke muttered, more interested in the drawing than the conversation.

“Yes, because whenever I try to send a cute guy or girl your way you either make up some excuse or pretend you need to go to the bathroom and disappear for the rest of the night.”

“Reasons for that,” Clarke said sternly. “I don’t like random sex anymore. It just doesn’t feel right.” Octavia tilted her head back, giving her best friend a knowing look.

“This is about that mysterious chick in your psychology class isn’t it?” 

“No!” Clarke bit down on her lip. “I just don’t like random fucks anymore. To be honest, never did.”

“Oh please, I’ve seen how you look at her, Griff. She’s in your head. And probably in your heart too.”

“Isn’t it a little too early, and aren’t you a little too hungover to be having these conversations?” Clarke slammed her notepad shut and shoved it into her bag, along with the tiny charcoal pieces. She pulled on her coat and slipped her converse on and walked to the door. 

“I’m just stating true facts, Clarke Griffin and you know it!” Octavia yelled after her as the door quickly opened and snapped shut. 

 

Lexa walked through the empty park and shoved her gloved hands into her pocket, shivering even with two thick layers over her grey sweatshirt. Lexa was always fine with cold weather as long as she was inside and didn’t have to be bit by it. Winter always took forever for Lexa to be prepared for and recover from. It was her least favorite season for many reasons. One being her parents died in December. The other being Costia left her in December for a girl with a model face and thin lips. Christmas was always spent by herself in the apartment while Anya visited her family in Oregon. Yes, there were many reasons Lexa didn’t like winter. But that didn’t close her mind off to possibilities of her someday liking it. 

She walked around looking at crystals of ice coating flower petals and wandering through trails until her legs ached. Her own breaths came out in front of her face in puffs of fog. She remembered as a kid she liked when it got cold like that so she could pretend she was smoking like mom did. Then as she grew older, she stayed indoors to avoid that very thing. Now, it doesn’t bother as much. She doesn’t even think about it anymore. 

Lexa spotted a bench and sighed in relief. Another person, probably the only other person in the park, sat on one end. Usually Lexa would avoid sitting by some stranger by all costs, but at that very moment, her legs begged her for mercy. She gave in and sat on the other side of the bench, as far away as she could from the other person as possible. She didn’t dare glance their way more than a second. Their face was mostly covered by their coat and their hood was all the way up and over their head anyways. 

Lexa gazed out to the frozen pond and watched the stillness of earth become more prominent. The only sound heard was her own teeth chattering. That’s when the husky voice startled her again, very thankfully so.

“You’re freezing,” The familiar voice pointed out the obvious. Lexa turned to see intense blue eyes staring at her. Her throat went dry, but her mouth overfilled. Clarke.

“Uh, y-yeah, a bit,” Lexa stuttered. She figured she could blame her nervousness on the cold, but the blonde seemed to have her figured out anyway. Clarke smiled warmly.

“Here,” Clarke shrugged off her black coat. “Take this.”

“Oh no no,” Lexa objected. “That’s okay, I’m fine.” The coat settled warmly over Lexa’s shoulders. Clarke’s fingers brushed over her neck as Clarke tucked the coat firmly against her, and a multitude of shivers racked Lexa’s body. Clarke smirked at the obviously violent shiver. Lexa tilted her head down to hide the extra red added to her cold cheeks.

“Th-thank you.” Lexa stammered. 

“You have more layers on than I do, and yet I’m still warmer than you are!” Clarke said.  
Lexa giggled. She fucking giggled.

“Yeah the cold weather has never been too kind to me.”

“Ah man, I love the cold weather as long as it isn’t forever.” Clarke wanted to scoot closer, and she usually would have had it been anyone else. Lexa did something to her. Although she hated to admit it, she felt so strangely different about her. 

“Yeah,” Lexa agreed. “It’s really enjoyable when you’re inside by a fireplace reading a nice book, or attempting to write one.”  
Clarke stared at the brunette. The mysterious, beautiful Lexa just unfolded one of her corners.

“You write?” Clarke nearly whispered.

“Well, yeah.” Lexa blushed and twiddled her thick gloved thumbs. “It’s all I’ve ever been passionate about. Writing gets me away but still keeps me anchored somehow. Reading is my lazy way of getting lost in other worlds that aren’t my own.”

Lexa chanced a glance at Clarke who was now looking at the frozen lake. The silence wrapped around them again, and Lexa felt maybe she said too much. But Clarke was only in awe, and for once in her life she was at a loss of words.

“I think that’s beautiful,” the blonde finally spoke. The words came out in the gof of her breath and caressed the air, making Lexa’s ears heat up.

“Really?” Lexa asked in a whisper. She scolded herself for being so open anyway. 

“Yes, it’s very beautiful. That’s how I feel about art.” Clarke kicked a pebble and watched it skip towards the lake. “It gets me into this whole other place, like tranquility and calmness. Almost like I’m in the sky and nothing can touch me.” 

Blue eyes met green, and suddenly they both found the rest of the world slip away without the need of books or paint. 

“Is that what you want to be? An artist?” Lexa asked, eyes still connected with Clarke’s in an unknown blinking contest. 

“Yes, it’s my passion. My mom always told me to not let my soothing things become a dependant on life. Career wise, to her, an artist isn’t going to get very far.” The thought of her mother made a sharp pain twist in her chest. She hadn’t talked about her, or to her for the matter in a very long time. Telling Lexa about her didn’t seem strange though. On some odd level, it felt comforting. 

“I think you should do what makes you happy always,” Lexa voiced. “That’s where the beautiful things on earth come from. Passion.” Lexa didn’t know what it was about Clarke that made her so easy to talk to. Or how she made her feel so uncharacteristically optimistic.  
“I agree,” Clarke nodded. 

“I’m Lexa by the way.”

“I know,” Clarke stated factually. “I’m Clarke.”

“I know,” Lexa shot back with a half smile. 

They sat in comfortable silence, watching leaves flit over the ice until the wind started to pick up and snow started to fall. They both stood up ready to leave. Lexa started to remove Clarke’s coat from around her shoulders until Clarke stopped her. 

“Keep it.”

“But Clarke, it’s your-”

“Now I have a for sure reason to get your number.” Clarke winked and earned herself a cute laugh from Lexa.

“I don’t need to keep your coat in order for you to get my number, sky girl.” Lexa quipped and blushed at the word vomit of a nickname at the end.

“Oh, stop being so stubborn,” Clarke handed Lexa her phone so she could type her number in. “And sky girl?” Clarke lifted an eyebrow.

Lexa shrugged, “You say painting makes you feel as if you’re in the sky. You are now sky girl.” 

“Fine then, Commander.”

“Now where the hell would Commander come from?” Lexa bubbled in laughter. 

“You’re commanding, but in a cute way.” The both of them blush as Clarke clears her throat. Lexa place the iphone into Clarke’s gloved hand and stares into her eyes. The warm blue eyes that lead to Clarke’s soul. Lexa thought that Clarke could be sky girl solely based on the color of her eyes; like a hot day when the blue sky is warm and free. 

Staring into Lexa’s eyes was like staring into a map of a green forest, Clarke thought. A forest she would gladly get lost in and never return. Like how she did in her paintings, only this time it was different. She almost felt like she couldn’t return back to reality. 

Clarke tried to erase the thoughts from her head as she took a step back from Lexa. She could’ve swore she saw a hint of disappointment quickly spread over Lexa’s face. She looked like a little puppy dog without her treat. 

“I enjoyed this,” Clarke husked. “I’ll be expecting a text. See you in psychology.” Clarke waved and turned. She walked farther and farther away from Lexa, down the road. Lexa clutched the collar of Clarke’s coat and whispered, “You got it, sky girl.”

She walked in the opposite direction back to her warm apartment. Back to a hungover and cranky Anya.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lexa slammed the door of their apartment and exploded in a thousand shivers. Anya groaned, annoyed at the loudness of the door slam. 

“Sorry!” Lexa called into the apartment. Anya groaned again and threw a pillow at Lexa. Lexa walked into the living room after sliding her boots off by the door. Stitch rubbed up against Lexa’s cool legs and stood on her socked feet. 

“Feeling better, An?” 

“If you call raging migraine better, bingo.” Anya drawled. The black cat continued to rub its body over Lexa until she relented and kneeled down to pet him. 

“I swear that cat loves you more than he loves me. You’ll have to take him with you when we go our separate ways in the future.” Anya sighed. Lexa didn’t deny it. She knew the cat was attached to her, and inevitably, she was attached to him too.

“New coat?” Anya grinned. Lexa rolled her eyes.

“New mood?” Lexa threw back. Anya got up and walked to the kitchen to pour herself more coffee.

“Alright, don’t get your panties twisted up more than they already are,” Anya retorted. “I just wanted to know if some lucky lady was graced with your oh so overwhelming sexiness and charm.”

“Your sarcasm gets old.”

“Not as old as you’ll get one day.” Anya joked and flopped on the couch, splashing tiny bits of coffee on her tummy. 

 

“She was just very nice, and interesting.” Lexa shrugged and walked down the hall to her bedroom. 

“Oooooh, Alexandra’s gonna get some!” Anya chanted. Lexa slammed her bedroom door. 

Lexa pushed off Clarke’s coat and settled it neatly onto her bed. She discarded the other extra layers, then climbed under her covers and picked up the book she left laying on her pillow. She tried to focus on the events flashing before her eyes in black ink, but it was useless. All she could think of was Clarke. And when she sat the book down and looked out her window, all she could see was Clarke’s eyes. 

What the hell is wrong with her?

Nothing. 

She just can’t seem to push a beautiful blonde out of her head. She wasn’t even thinking about Costia whatsoever. Lexa didn’t know if it scared her or relieved her. She was hoping it was the latter.


	3. Flasks and Crumbling Resolves

Clarke sent a goodnight text to Lexa, and woke with more than a good morning. Clarke grumbled as she tried to roll over to the nightstand to retrieve her phone but was stopped by a snoring Octavia. Clarke glared at her drooly best friend, and pulled herself over Octavia. Octavia didn’t even stir as Clarke settled her weight onto her and unlocked her phone. She grinned down at the text feeling giddy as the butterflies swarmed and the bees buzzed in her tummy. 

Lexa 9:22  
Good morning, Clarke  
I enjoyed yesterday a lot  
I have never looked at the  
Sky so much whilst walking  
To work. Thanks, sky girl

Clarke giggled at the thought of Lexa staring up into the sky running into people, or poles or mailboxes. As cliche as looking up at the sky sounded, this felt different to Clarke. It was theirs. Clarke shivered at that, making Octavia groan in protest. 

“Get off of me Griff. You might be small but your curves are digging into me,” Octavia muttered into the pillow.

“You’re the one that decided to crash in here last night, Blake,” Clarke retorted and settled herself back on her side, phone in hand. 

“Texting sexy mysterious?” Octavia asked, curling herself farther into the blankets. 

Clarke’s cheeks turned cherry. 

“Remember I told you last night she does in fact have a name.”

Octavia sighed, “Lexa, sexy mysterious Lexa.” 

Clarke twisted the fabric of the pillowcase between her thumb and index finger and tried to hide the small grin forming. Octavia caught it and started making fun.

“You should just go see her right now, surprise her with flowers, get a box of chocolatessss,” Octavia turned to her back and stretched her arms over her head and threw her legs in the air. 

“O, you’re ridiculous.” 

“No,” Octavia turned back to her side facing Clarke. “You’re the ridiculous one here. You’ve been goo goo ga ga over this girl for months. You finally meet, she gives you her number, I say you go for it, Griff.” All jokes aside, and Octavia’s unintentional large green puppy dog eyes make Clarke happy she got stuck with that silly fool for a best friend.

“Look, she’s at work and I-”

“I know where she works,” Octavia interrupted. Clarke stared at her best friend in awe. 

“What are you, cupid or something?”

“Nah, I’m your best friend who wants to see you happy after all you’ve been through. Maybe it’s time.” 

Octavia’s eyes softened and so did Clarke’s resolve. Maybe Octavia was right. Clarke thought back to her father in that hospital bed, smiling at her, reassuring her that she would be fine and go on to do beautiful things. Then to her mother who completely shut down. Became as cold and hard as stone, so work-crazy and sleep deprived. She had no care whatsoever if Clarke made it or not. She didn’t even care if she herself didn’t make it. Clarke knew she was where she was in her life because of her father. She simply just couldn’t let him down. And she knew she had to stop closing new people off. Lexa was like a bright light flashing in the dark. And it immediately scared Clarke to think that Lexa was the source to better things. They had only shared one conversation, and Clarke already felt herself melting between the cracks of the bench and into the powdery snow. 

“So,” Octavia grinned. “Ready to eat some fabulous burgers?”

 

\---

 

Lexa flashed a fake smile to a cranky customer and once said customer turned around, mumbling and ranting all the way to her booth, Lexa rolled her eyes. This may not have been the best job, but it would do until she could graduate and write her own novels. God knows she wants to reach that goal. She’s worked so hard to get where she is and she knew she wouldn’t ever give up. She had to convince herself she was getting better. It didn’t work most of the time.

“I want extra mayo!” The cranky customer yelled from her booth at Lexa. “And if I don’t get what I want, I’ll make sure you lose your job!” Lexa nodded and smiled again, wanting nothing more than to dump the large bucket of mayo on the lady’s head. 

Lexa headed to the back where the employees prepared the greasy burgers and caught Jasper hocking a loogie onto the mayo drenched bun. Jasper put the bun on top and high fived himself. Lexa chuckled and he jumped out of his skin. Once Jasper realized it was Lexa, they both fell down in a pit of laughter. Monty walked by, shaking his head at them, dropping the fries onto the tray. 

“You’re lucky Ontari didn’t witness that,” Monty said over his friends’ laughter. “She would’ve tattled.” Jasper and Lexa let out a couple more chuckles, wiped the tears that fell down their cheeks and cleared their throats.

“The bitch deserved it. Yelling at Woods like that,” Jasper pointed out. Monty nodded in agreement, then disappeared around the corner to take over the cash register. “Now take this gourmet out to our lovely customer. I’m sure she’ll be happy to know she got extra.” 

Lexa smirked at her friend and took the red tray from the table, walked out of the kitchen, and to the back booth where the customer sat with a grim look on her face and her chubby arms crossed over her chest. Lexa stared down at the burger as she walked. The grease stained the paper beneath it. She couldn’t see a single trace of Jasper’s spit, and she knew this customer would have no idea. But she was getting what she deserved for being awful and cantankerous. 

Lexa sat the tray down in front of the mean woman and smiled. The woman squinted her eyes at Lexa in disgust and picked up the burger, making indents into the bread.

“This better have extra mayo,” She grumbled and took a gnarly bite out of the double. The burger filled her cheeks and molded them into large fleshy spheres. It rolled around in her mouth as she chewed. Lexa’s heart thudded in her chest as she watched the woman munch and smack her lips. The woman’s thick eyebrows shot up in surprise and turned to Lexa. With a mouthful of broken down food, she said, “Is there a new ingredient you use in this?”

It took everything in Lexa to not fall to her knees laughing. She instead nodded. “I can’t tell you what it is, though. It’s a secret.” Lexa drawled and smiled bigger.

“You mean like what they have in that weird sponge cartoon?” The woman swallowed the food in large gulps. “My grandson watches that all the time. He goes on and on about that damn formula.”

Lexa stared at the woman. She wondered why she was so mean when she talked of her close family. She figured maybe she was having a bad day, and Lexa understood that. She had her fair share with bad days. 

“Um, yes. But I think you’d enjoy the Krusty Krab’s formula better,” Lexa smiled genuinely this time. “Enjoy your burger.” Lexa hurried away and swallowed down the guilt. 

She knew she wasn’t the one that spit the loogie into the woman’s burger but she went through with it, and it entertained her. Jasper raised his hand up in a high five when Lexa approached, and Lexa slapped it as hard as she could. 

“Damn, Woods!” He exclaimed. “You’ve got some power.”

Yeah, power. Power of ruining people’s day, Lexa thought to herself. She grabbed another tray, and made her way to the next waiting table.

 

“I wanted Chinese food,” Raven whined as she, Clarke, and Octavia walked down the road to the Burger Joint. 

Octavia elbowed Raven’s ribs and snarled, “We’re trying to get Clarke to see Sexy Mysterious so suck it up.”

“It’s Lexa,” Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Sexy Mysterious Lexa.” 

“You mean the one from psyche?” Raven asked, shoving her gloved hands into her pockets.

“That’s the one!” Octavia answered. “Clarke’s head over heels for her.” 

Raven let out an over exaggerated ooooooooooh and Octavia waggled her eyebrows. 

“Oh come on you guys,” Clarke sighed. “She’s just interesting. She’s nice and she’d make a good friend. We could do things-”

“Mhm you could really do things,” Raven mocked.

“We could do things with her writing and my art, you asshats.”

Octavia and Raven got lost in a fit of laughter and Clarke rolled her eyes so hard she ended up giving herself a headache. 

“We’ve seen how you looked at her,” Octavia said, stopping them in front of the Burger Joint. “You can’t hide it from us, so you might as well let us help you.” Raven nodded behind Octavia. Clarke pursed her lips and kicked at a pebble on the sidewalk. 

“Let’s just go in already.” Clarke grabbed the handle of the door, and swung it open. She was welcomed with a rush of warm air, the smell of burgers and fries, and the sight of Lexa high fiving her co-worker in the kitchen. The air was warm, but Clarke was still covered in goosebumps as her eyes roamed over Lexa in her uniform. Clarke knew she was in trouble.

Octavia walked up to the cash register and ordered three burger meals while Clarke and Raven slid themselves into a booth in the far corner by the large window. Clarke’s eyes didn’t leave Lexa, they followed her to the table near the front door as she gingerly placed a large tray in front of a group of teenage kids. Some teenage boys whistled at her even when they had their arms around the girls they came with. Lexa glared at them, and before she could do anything about it, both girls under the arms of the nasty teenage boys, took their milkshakes and dumped it over their heads. Lexa chuckled and fist-bumped the girls before they exited the restaurant. 

Clarke let out a whispery giggle and Raven started to make fun. Octavia slid in next to Raven and pointed out the boys covered in pink milkshake. 

“That happened all because your girl is a babe,” Octavia shook her head. 

“She is not my girl.” Although I wish she was. Clarke, stop. 

Before the girls could pester Clarke even more, Lexa showed up with a tray of heavenly, greasy food. Lexa smiled at the blonde and almost spilled the food to the floor, while trying to set it onto the table. No one laughed. Not even Raven. Lexa’s cheeks reddened. Her hands slimmed down her pants and she smiled weakly at the blonde. 

“Hey Lexa,” Clarke grinned as if nothing had happened. 

“Hi Clarke. Enjoying your evening?” 

“She very much is,” Octavia interjected. “She wanted to know if maybe you wanted to come back to our place and spend movie night with us.”  
Clarke’s eyes widened. She glared daggers at Octavia.

“Oh, I don’t-”

“Yeah it’d be fun! We’re watching Fried Green Tomatoes,” Raven exclaimed. “You should come along.” 

Lexa looked at Clarke questioningly. Octavia and Raven sat in silence grinning from ear to ear at Clarke. Clarke looked deep into Lexa’s green eyes and knew she couldn’t deny her even if she wanted to.

“I would really love it if you joined,” Clarke said. “When does your shift end?” There was a small hint of a smile tugging at the corner of Lexa’s lips. She turned and looked at the large clock hanging above the cash register. 

“My shift ends in thirty minutes.”

“Great!” Octavia chirped. “We can just wait here until it’s done.” 

Lexa was about to say they didn’t have to but a look in Octavia’s eyes told her they weren’t going anywhere. Lexa grinned and excused herself so she could finish up the last parts of her shift. She was so busy locking eyes with Clarke, she almost knocked over Monty when he was on his way to a give a table their food. Monty smirked at her when he saw the blonde blushing in the corner booth. 

“She’s a lucky gal.” Monty winked and then continued walking away leaving a red and jittery Lexa standing dumbfounded in the isle. 

\---

 

The four girls walked out of the Burger Joint and into the bitter cold arms of winter. Raven and Octavia hooked arms with each other and walked a little ways ahead of Clarke and Lexa. Their breaths came out in white fog, and the stars were barely noticeable making the sky look like a deep dark blue depth into a different world. Lexa and Clarke were lost in a conversation about the Burger Joint when they heard Octavia and Raven up ahead giggling and catching glances from them. Clarke sighed heavily at her annoying friends and looked at Lexa apologetically, but Lexa didn’t mind. She giggled and slid her arm into Clarke’s so now they were closer and maybe one percent warmer than before. 

“So, Lexa” Raven said mischievously. “That looks an awful lot like Clarke’s favorite coat.” More giggles erupted from the girls, and Lexa’s cheeks grew impossibly more red. Clarke huffed out in annoyance. 

“Can you both quit acting like obnoxious little teenagers? I gave her my coat. It was cold, now stop giggling. If you wanna go back to high school, it’s just around the corner.” Clarke grumbled. The other three girls stared at her in shock. Clarke shrugged and pulled Lexa closer and continued to walk. Octavia and Raven shook their heads mumbling things, and the rest of the walk to their apartment was quiet save for the sound of honking cars and music playing from the city square. 

“Honey, we’re home!” Octavia yelled into the empty apartment as they all filed in. Raven giggled at her best friend and shoved her to the couch. 

“Shh, O. You’ll wake up the lizards.” 

“Oh, right right.” 

Lexa looked at Clarke silently asking what the hell they were talking about. Clarke shrugged. 

“They have their own weird little inside jokes. I’m usually left out of the loop,” Clarke glared at Raven and Octavia and they flipped her the bird in return.

Lexa laughed and shrugged off Clarke’s coat, hanging it on the door hook next to the other coats. The apartment smelled like pizza and cashmere. A slightly odd mixture of smell, but a good one. Just like these people she was spending the rest of her night with. She looked at Clarke as she kicked off her shoes and sat on the couch, groaning as her limbs popped and snapped. She was crazy for thinking it, maybe, but she felt like she fit in here with her and them. Like she had been waiting all of her life in the lonely depths of her childhood and heartbreak just to walk through their apartment door and feel happy. Feel content. Feel wanted. She shook her head, willing her heart to sleep and her brain to run a little easier.

She sat beside Clarke whom now had her eyes blissfully closed on the large comfortable grey couch. Lexa couldn’t help but think how beautiful Clarke was. Her beautiful blush-heavy cheeks, her gorgeous blue eyes and that smile. Those lips. 

“Okay Griffin!” Raven yelled, tapping Clarke’s foot with her own. “Don’t go falling asleep. We’re about to watch Fgt. Can’t fall asleep during Fgt.” Lexa abandoned her thoughts of the beauty that was Clarke Griffin and tucked her legs beneath her. Clarke’s eyes fluttered open and yawned. 

“No way. Can’t ever fall asleep during Fgt.”

“It’s one of the rules, Lexa.” Octavia warned as she flopped into the leather recliner with a beer in hand.

“Rules?” 

“A rule,” Clarke corrected. “We have a rule that whenever we watch Fgt, no one can fall asleep during it.”

“Is it really that great of a movie?” Lexa asked innocently. Octavia and Raven gasped and Clarke rolled her eyes at their over dramatic action. 

“It’s an amazing movie. You’ll know once you watch it.”

“Which will be right now,” Raven said happily as she popped the disk into the dvd player and shut the lights off. “I still can’t believe you’ve never seen Fried Green Tomatoes, Lexa.”

Raven joined the recliner and snuggled next to Octavia under a fuzzy brown blanket. 

“I haven’t seen a lot of movies actually,” Lexa sighed. 

Clarke knew Raven and Octavia would’ve urged her to tell them why if the movie hadn’t started right then. Clarke settled her hand on Lexa’s thigh reassuringly. Lexa locked eyes with Clarke and a warmth spread all through her chest. It felt like Clarke’s eyes were blue pools of calm. Of bliss. They turned their heads to the tv and Clarke snuggled into Lexa a bit more, and Lexa has never felt more content in her entire life. She didn’t have time to be scared of the what if’s when she was so relaxed. When Clarke was by her side. 

 

The rule of no Z’s during Fgt was not followed at all that night. When the credits of the movie rolled over the tv screen, Clarke looked over to see Octavia sound asleep nuzzled into Raven as Raven’s arm was wrapped loosely around Octavia. Some people couldn’t believe that Raven and Octavia were completely platonic considering the way they were with each other, but they were. They reassured everyone plentiful times that there was nothing more. They loved each other, yes. But Octavia’s excuse was always that she would end up strangling Raven if they were married. Raven’s was that Octavia wasn’t a Lakers fan. Clarke loved them to the ends of the earth. They were her family. Her sisters. She smiled at their sleeping bodies tangled together and went to stretch her arms, but was stopped by Lexa’s head on her shoulder. Clarke looked down at Lexa’s relaxed face. She looked more at ease when she was asleep, Clarke noticed. Her full lips were pouty and her eyes were closed heavily. Her cheek squished a little by resting on Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke reached slowly as to not wake her, and stroked her soft cheek. The brunette didn’t stir. 

Clarke wondered why she felt so much more complete with Lexa around. She thought she was complete all on her own with her friends and school. She was doing just fine. But meeting Lexa changed things. Having Lexa there resting against her made things even better. Like Clarke had found a hidden part of life she never would have dreamed of finding. Unfolding a present that she never expected to have. 

Clarke slowly rearranged her and Lexa so Clarke was lying on her back and Lexa was laying half on top of her with her back pressed against the cushions of the couch. Lexa mumbled something unintelligible in her sleep and brought her leg to rest on top of Clarke’s. Clarke smirked down at the sleeping beauty she gave her coat to in the snow and thought that this could be the start of something so great, yet so painful.


	4. Cold Hands and Jam

After the movie night where everyone slept so peacefully, and rules were forgotten, Lexa came around almost every day. She became extremely close with Clarke, Octavia and Raven instantly. And although days and days went by where Clarke and Lexa have denied that they were anything more than best friends, Octavia and Raven wouldn’t give up on playing matchmaker with the two stubborn girls. They looked at each other like everything else blurred, like they were wanting to dive into each other and devour one another, to crawl into one another’s skin and kiss every single scar that littered their bodies. They looked at each other like no one else in the world mattered. And Raven and Octavia knew they would end up together, with or without their help. It was just fun to see Clarke and Lexa’s irritated stunned selves whenever Octavia and Raven played the “parent trap” trick on them every chance they could get. 

Still, Clarke and Lexa insisted they were just really close best friends no matter what Raven or Octavia did, and they would just have to live with the fact that for once in their lives they were wrong. Octavia and Raven knew they were anything but wrong about Clarke and Lexa. And nothing was getting in their way of being matchmakers for their two lovesick best friends. 

 

One year later from the sleepy movie night, Octavia and Raven are in the living room of their apartment placing tons of furry blankets on the couch, on the floor, and on the recliner. Movie night has gained a few more tagalongs. Lincoln, Octavia’s boyfriend, who finally made it official, Monty and Jasper whom worked with Lexa at Burger Joint, and Bellamy, Octavia’s older brother who moved back to their hometown after switching colleges to the one everyone else went to. Clarke and Lexa were in the kitchen popping popcorn and taking out fat liters of sodas out of the fridge. Octavia and Raven looked on at them and started to think of their own plan before something unravelled before their very eyes. Something small, yes. But still something that seemed to electrify Lexa and Clarke and make Octavia and Raven’s jaws drop. 

“Seriously, Clarke?” Lexa chuckled and shook her head at the blonde hooking her finger into the full jar of strawberry jam that they recently purchased. Clarke pulled a huge glob of red ooze from the jar and sucked her finger clean. She groaned in delight. 

“Yes, really.” Clarke muffled out between the large amount of jam occupying her mouth. 

“I really don’t understand your obsession with jams and jellies.”

“Well,” Clarke pulled another glob out of the jar. “Come here.” 

Lexa stared at her dumbfounded, but stepped in front of Clarke, close enough that their chests were almost touching. Lexa kept the hitch in her breath down as best as she could as she locked eyes with Clarke’s big beautiful blue ones. They shimmered in the dull light of the kitchen and they darted quickly down to Lexa’s lips, then back to her eyes. Lexa’s breath was held completely now, her body tense, her brain completely focused on only Clarke. She thought maybe they would just stand there like that, she felt she could do that forever, the ocean in her eyes had a way of taking her from the shores of reality and into her own little world of want and desire, and Lexa learned to stop internally denying herself of her want for Clarke. But then, Clarke’s arm started to move up, and before Lexa knew what was truly happening, Clarke’s finger was hovering over Lexa’s lips. The jam was starting to slowly slide off of Clarke’s finger, so Lexa opened her mouth the slightest bit and Clarke swept her index finger over Lexa’s plump lips. Lexa’s heart started to beat frantically and the breath she had been holding in was starting to burn her lungs, but she kept herself transfixed in the moment, her eyes still locked with Clarke’s. Clarke let her finger edge a bit further into Lexa’s mouth, and her lips slowly closed around Clarke’s finger, sucking the jam clean from the digit slowly. Just like Clarke had done when she herself had licked the jam from her finger, she groaned. But this time it wasn’t from the taste of strawberry on her tongue. It was from the sight before her. Lexa’s plump pink lips closed around her finger and Lexa’s forest green eyes boring into her so intensely. She chastised herself knowing that everyone heard the groan. 

Clarke’s pupils were blown and the small sliver of blue remaining was dark blue, like she was fighting off a storm deep inside of her. The sound she let out made heat bloom from Lexa’s cheeks, to other places she was trying to ignore. Clarke looked stunned as she pulled her finger from Lexa’s lips with a loud ‘POP’. They stood there staring at one another in awe. The air was thick and Lexa felt like she was being stifled. Like she was living in a furnace. Clarke felt ache throb through her body and she wanted to run. 

A loud knock on the door made all four girls jump, ruining the spell for Clarke and Lexa and the show for Raven and Octavia.

“You two seriously need to get over yourselves and get a room,” Octavia sighed and walked over to the front door to let the rest of their friends inside. 

Lexa let out the breath she had been holding in for way too long and Clarke slammed the lid onto the jam jar and shoved it back into the fridge, knocking cartons of milk and old left overs off of the shelves in the process. Lexa thought she would save Clarke a little from the embarrassment, and walked into the living room with the three bowls of popcorn cradled in her arms. Clarke huffed out a frustrated sigh and cleaned up her mess. At least the mess at her feet. 

“Dude, you can’t just say that about Fallout. You don’t even play it.” Jasper scolded Monty as they rushed into the apartment trying to escape the remainder of summer’s heat. 

“I’ve seen him play at least once.” Bellamy said from behind them. “And I’m gonna be completely honest here, Mont. You weren’t good.” Monty scoffed at Bellamy’s comment, but before he could say anything, Jasper nudged him playfully toward the couch.

Lincoln closed the door behind all four of them and refused to let himself in on their conversation of video games. Octavia greeted him with a kiss that lasted longer than it probably should’ve and everyone groaned in annoyance. 

“Maybe you two are the ones who should get a room,” Lexa griped in retaliation to Octavia’s earlier comment on her and Clarke. 

Octavia smirked and patted her buff boyfriend on the chest.

“We have already gotten one, many times.” Octavia smirked and kissed Lincoln chastely as the rest of the group groaned again. 

“No more nerd talk by the way. We need to figure out which movie we’re watching tonight.” Raven piped up from her place on the recliner. 

“We aren’t watching Fried Green Tomatoes,” Jasper said as he sat on the floor in front of the couch beside Monty and Bellamy. “There’s only so many times we can watch that dude get hit by a train and that sweet lady die.” 

“You cry every time Ruth dies,” Monty pointed out. 

“Well it’s sad okay?” 

“What about Magic Mike?” Octavia waggled her eyebrows.

“That wouldn’t be a very interesting movie for Lexa,” Raven laughed. Lexa rolled her eyes and subconsciously made her way to find the safety of Clarke where she wouldn’t be teased. 

Clarke was putting the two liters of soda away and bringing out cases of chilled beer instead when Lexa approached her. 

“Gave up on the sugar?” Lexa smirked. Clarke smiled back and handed one case of beer to Lexa.

“I think this night could use some alcohol. I hear them bickering in there already.” 

Lexa had the sudden overwhelming urge to hug Clarke. That happened a lot when she was around the beautiful blonde. Lexa always found herself wanting to be close to Clarke, the girl was like a living heater. She was the sun after all. And Lexa was always so cold. Clarke wondered what Lexa was pondering as she stared off into face, her concentration forming a pout on her lips. Clarke softly tapped her with her free hand and Lexa snapped out of it and blushed hard. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Clarke grinned. Lexa blushed even more. Her thoughts always contained Clarke and it was killing her. She needs to control herself. 

“I was just thinking about tomorrow,” Lexa lied. She tried to steer away from the truth but spun herself down a worse subject. She doesn’t talk about her parents or about what happened to them often, but she had told Clarke a sliver of it. Clarke’s face saddened and she rubbed soothing circles into Lexa’s lower back. 

“If you want, we could go do something to maybe take your mind off of it? Or we could visit them?” Clarke offered in reassuring voice and bored her eyes into Lexa. Lexa looked up at Clarke and gave a fake smile. 

“Yeah, I think I’ll take you somewhere. It’s important.” Clarke nodded and new this was new. 

Lexa hadn’t ever dove deep into discussion about her parents. Whenever everyone else mentioned theirs, she just stayed quiet and waited for the subject to pass so she wouldn’t have to speak on it. This meant a lot to Lexa, Clarke already knew. And she wouldn’t turn it down for the world. 

“I’m here, Lex. I hope you know that.” The sentence came out of Clarke’s mouth in almost a whisper and once again, they were locked in some sort of trance. Then a loud eruption of laughter from their friends in the living room broke it and they both sighed in relief. 

“Y’know, we’re lucky to have those nerds in our lives,” Clarke chuckled. 

“Yeah, well they might just make us watch Magic Mike so I’m pretty sure you’ll rethink that statement.” Lexa and Clarke shook their heads at the male stripper on the tv screen when they entered the living room and sat on the couch. Their friends devoured them like savages for the cold beer, and they were left curled up in one another. They stayed like that through the entire movie. 

The next day came fast since Lexa had fallen asleep in Clarke’s embrace in the first ten minutes of the movie. Lexa blinked open her eyes and squinted at the sunshine coming through the sliding glass door. She wasn’t ready for the day to start. Her parents’ death anniversary was always a grim day in which she spent her time alone enveloped in tons of fuzzy blankets while reading a book or studying, and maybe even watching a movie to keep her mind off of the image of her parents bloody and lifeless. But this time, she was taking Clarke to the most important and favorite place of hers. A place she hasn’t shown anyone before. A part of her was scared to show Clarke this part of her, but the rest of her screamed for her to open herself more. To wipe away the dust in her soul and be the strong woman she pretends to be. She knows she can’t run from what happened forever. And this is a step to acceptance. A step to moving on. 

Lexa ended up staying in cuddled up into Clarke until Clarke woke up and stretched. Clarke reached her arms over her head in a long stretch and subconsciously shoved her chest into Lexa’s face. Lexa pretended to not notice and ignored the pulse between her thighs. The morning went by fast and after showers, short breakfasts of bagels and coffee, and stepping over a still sleeping Raven on the floor of the living room, they were headed out to the place Lexa hadn’t been to in years.

As Lexa drove, she trained her eyes on the road ahead of her. Clarke hummed softly to the song playing from the radio and stared out the window at the trees running past the car in various shades of green blurs. Driving through the backroads of town was amazingly beautiful. The sky was larger and filled with hues of blue and purples. The mountains in the distance stood out like dark scribbles against the open sky and Lexa felt just how much she truly missed it hit her hard in the chest. It was so peaceful being away from the obnoxious city where nothing and no one ever seemed to stop and everything happened at astonishing speed. Being out in the mountains and woods gave Lexa a sort of tranquility. And just as soon as the car hard gurgled up the mountain and Lexa pulled over to her family’s little spot, and stepped out of the car, letting the fresh air kiss her skin, she felt a wave of euphoria run travel through her trembling body. No matter the damage done here, this place would always somehow be her place to go when things get too dark. She was perfectly fine with sitting away from the cliff where her parents lost their lives. She didn’t like to think it happened here. She didn’t like to think it happened at all. 

“So, this is it?” Clarke asked as she looked around the vast expansion of trees and the cliff overlooking the city. She was absolutely mesmerized, and although her ears were still popping from the elevation, she was so honored to have been the one Lexa brought to her special place. 

“Yep,” Lexa sighed. “This is it.” 

Lexa sat on the hood of her car, and Clarke joined her, trying her best not to slip with her wobbly legs. She looked at her beautiful best friend and wondered what happened to her parents here. Anything could’ve happened. But she think she had an idea of what it was. Still, she knew she would never push Lexa to talk. Lexa would talk when she was ready, or not at all. And Clarke was more than fine with that. 

The girls sat in silence as the small gusts of wind caressed them and the tree branches danced slowly against one another. Clarke thought to herself how truly peaceful it was to just sit there in a comfortable silence with the person she thought the absolute world of. She looked over at Lexa and saw the grim stoic face Lexa had on and her heart started to melt. She knew this was a hard day for her. Her parents weren’t talked about enough for Clarke to know much about them, but she knew their deaths tormented Lexa daily, and she wished the brunette didn’t have to suffer through it constantly. With a sudden surge of boldness, Clarke grabbed Lexa’s hands and laced their fingers together. Lexa looked down at their joined hands, then at Clarke and smiled softly. The baggage of the day was finally weighing her down but having Clarke there with her made it a bit easier to breathe. And she knew she had to explain to Clarke. She hadn’t talked about it with anyone besides Anya. Clarke was important to her, and she kept reminding herself not to be scared to open up to the sun. 

“It was a week before my birthday,” Lexa said suddenly. “They were having a night off because work and me and my younger brother had been stressing them out. Me and my brother would constantly fight and bicker back then and it drove them nuts. So they decided to have a date night here.” Lexa gestured with her hands at the space around them, and right then the wind picked up, making Lexa’s hair whip against her face. Clarke brushed the long brown locks away and behind Lexa’s tiny ear and nodded for her to go on.

“This was our place. We would camp here all of the time during summer. We always found relaxation here when the world was spinning too fast or not at all. This was our safe haven. But that night, they must have had a fight or something. When they pulled up, they didn’t park, they kept going and drove straight off the cliff.” Lexa’s hand was shaking, and Clarke wished more than anything that she could soothe her. Clarke brushed her thumb over Lexa’s knuckles, ignoring the sheer cold emitting from the trembling hand. 

“After that, my brother and I never fought. We haven’t really spoken in a while. He went to Europe and got some job there making burlesque outfits.” Lexa huffed. Clarke unlaced their hands and wrapped her arm around Lexa. Lexa curled into Clarke closer and let the warmth of her body calm her. Being cradled by the sun has a lot of perks Lexa thought to herself. 

“You’re strong, Lex. You know that right?” Clarke nearly whispered. “And you need to know it wasn’t your fault, whatever happened that made them go over that cliff, it was not your fault.” Lexa let Clarke’s words sink deep into her, and she replayed them over and over to make it stick. It had to stick. She had to battle the guilt, the sadness. It was not her fault. 

After another stretch of silence Clarke asked, “Could I sing to you?” Lexa lifted her head slightly to look up at Clarke’s beautiful face. She held no trace of pity which made Lexa happy. She couldn’t stand being pitied. It made her even more aware of how broken she really was. And all she wanted was to forget. 

“Of course,” Lexa whispered, trying not to get completely lost in Clarke’s sea of blue. Lexa laid her head back onto Clarke’s shoulder and waited for the angelic voice to lull her nerves. Clarke cleared her throat then started to sing in her beautiful husky voice.

“This feels right and I'm letting it  
And now I know just what to do  
Tire of me if you will, my dear  
I will not tire of you  
And this is the world as I see it now  
Turns out that nothing is fair  
You can leave me if you wish, my love  
But I'm not going anywhere”

The lyrics mixed with Clarke’s smooth voice made Lexa feel so calm yet her heart felt like it was running a marathon. She knew she was in love with Clarke. She had known for awhile, but as Clarke held her and sang to her in her most peaceful yet haunted place, she knew Clarke was her person. She wanted to spend her life by Clarke’s side battling the bad and enjoying the good. Laughing with each other and being there for one another. Going to bed together and waking in each other’s arms. Lexa wanted all of it, but it terrified her to no end. 

“Endless distraction, you worry me  
But I'm trying to figure out how  
You don't have to make any promises, love  
I'm afraid I might die for you now  
And I'd kill just to watch you as you're sleeping  
I hope that you'll let me, in time  
You don't have to call me yours, my love  
Damn it, I'm calling you mine”

Lexa found herself unconsciously bury her face into Clarke’s neck. She could feel the vibrations from Clarke’s voice against her nose and a wave of serenity spilled over her. Like nothing in the world could hurt her. Clarke wove her fingers in Lexa’s brown curls and massaged her scalp as she sang the last bit of the song.

 

“And please do not hurt me, love,  
I am a fragile one, and you are the light in my eyes  
Please do not break my heart,  
I think it's had enough pain to last the rest of my life

And I will not tire of you”

 

Clarke let the last few lines of the song drift away in a whisper as it disappeared in the wind and what came along next was a blissful silence. Lexa didn’t realize her lips were pressed right up against the skin of Clarke’s neck, Clarke had moved her blonde tresses away when she was singing. Clarke knew now wasn’t the right time to be affected by Lexa’s plump lips against her erratic pulse, but she couldn’t help it. Clarke let out a shaky sigh and Lexa moved her lips into a kiss and softly kissed Clarke’s neck before she moved away. Clarke looked at her like she was the moon. Luminous beautiful light shoving the darkness away. Clarke looked at Lexa and her vibrant green eyes and then it hit her hard; She was in love with the moon. Clarke Griffin was in love with Lexa Woods and there was absolutely no way that she could deny it anymore. Lexa looked at her with a look of want as hard lips separated and drank Clarke in. 

The weight of the day gone, but not forgotten, Lexa whispered, “Let's go home.”

They both hopped off of the hood of the car and before Clarke could stop herself, she said shortly, “I am home.” 

The drive back was filled with talk about many different things. They talked about Lexa’s brother, Nyko. And they joked about Raven and Octavia going on runs with them. Things were light hearted and sweet. Being with Clarke was easy, and Lexa figured she was home as long as she was with Clarke too. 

“Really? You haven’t seen Pulp Fiction?” Clarke said incredulously. 

“Nope,” Lexa giggled. “I haven’t seen a lot of things remember?” Lexa lifted an eyebrow and grinned at Clarke’s look of awe. 

“Well, hey, you have come a long way with that since becoming friends with Octavia and Raven. Those girls are movie crazed.” 

“I understand why. It takes you away.” Lexa shrugged and trained her eyes on the road. Clarke let her eyes run over the beauty that sat beside her and she couldn’t help but feel like the luckiest girl in the world. 

“What is your favorite movie, Lex?” 

Lexa gripped the wheel and bit her lip. “The Wizard of Oz.”

Clarke’s smile grew so wide she thought it would split her face open.

“Turn left on Denton instead of right,” Clarke instructed. 

“Why?” Lexa flicked the blinker and the clicking noise filled the car.

“Well, love,” Clarke rested her hand on Lexa’s thigh. “We’re going to the movies.”


	5. Blue Heat and Oz

The world has a population of 7 billion people and Clarke had the advantage to know Lexa Woods. To make her laugh, to be there for her, to love her. Millions of people across the world and even in towns and states away would never get to know Lexa, or even see her. They don’t have the joys of being able to sit next to her in a car driving to anywhere and nowhere, or holding her during a movie and rubbing her back, they don’t get to hear her laugh and listen to her stories. They don’t get to do any of those things, and that’s why Clarke feels like the luckiest person in the word to be able to know Lexa Woods.

The theater was closed. Clarke figured it was just her luck. The more she thought about it, the more she guessed she would rather end the night of Lexa’s parents’ death anniversary sitting on the cozy couch next to the fireplace in Arkadia Bevz instead of sitting in the stuffy movie theater watching a movie that surely made Lexa only think more about her childhood. But that didn’t stop Clarke from planning out the date anyway. The Wizard of Oz was going to be in theaters for at least another week. And she wanted to see Lexa happy. More than anything, all she wanted was for Lexa to be happy. 

So when Lexa parked in front of the tiny little coffee shop beside the bookstore and the delicatessen, and gave her that small little smile before stepping out of the car, Clarke knew that was all she would strive for; Lexa’s happiness. The coffee shop was fairly busy and the lit fireplace filled the space like a belch of warmth. Chatter came from all directions, and the stir of coffee machines gurgled along with the slam of lids on cups. Clarke slipped her arm into Lexa’s, a habit that formed over the days of cold weather and migrated to warmer weather, then it became any time Clarke just wanted to be close to Lexa. Lexa rubbed Clarke’s arm with her free hand and stood in front of the counter scanning the menu. Clarke knew what she would get, she got it every time and she would surely get it then. 

After ordering some scones and raspberry mochas, they sat in content silence by the fireplace, Clarke’s arm still tucked into Lexa’s. Lexa sipped from the large cup and stared at Clarke in adoration. The blonde had her lower lip out in a pout as she examined the scone she had in her hand for any signs of Caspian’s spit. 

“I watched him, Sky girl,” Lexa reassured her. “He didn’t spit this time. I think he’s having a decent day for once.” 

They both glanced over at the man with his hair slightly neatly kempt. His clothes looked a little less wrinkly and he had a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his puffed lips. His name tag red “Murphy” but Clarke and Lexa still insisted his name was Caspian. He looked like a Caspian. 

“Yeah, maybe he got laid,” Clarke lifted her eyebrows. 

“Probably.”

“I think that one girl, Emori I think? Likes him. She comes here more than we do and she always sits at the counter to talk to him.” Lexa looked at the man once more and caught the hint of a glow. He definitely got laid. 

“Maybe they’re in love,” Lexa shrugged. Clarke snorted a laugh.

“Yeah, if only the world was that nice.” Clarke regretted it as soon as she said it. 

She blinked at Lexa, trying to flush her own shock down the toilet. Lexa looked down at her cup, then to the flames fighting one another on top of an ashened log in the brick fireplace.   
“He has such a beautiful little place here doesn’t he?” Lexa asked and rubbed her index finger along the rim of the lid of her cup. “It’s so cozy. And he lives just right upstairs. I don’t understand how he isn’t more blissful.” 

“Life can get to you even if you’ve got a warm bed and a supply of donuts stored away in your own home,” Clarke smiled sadly and tried to not let anything get to her. Not today. Not when things were already getting to Lexa. 

Clarke let her head rest on Lexa’s shoulder, and Lexa leaned her cheek on the top of Clarke’s head. The blonde hairs tickled her skin, but she didn’t dare move. That’s what Lexa was most thankful for in life. The tiny moments where she could be with Clarke in an embrace fit enough to sooth even the most disturbed savages the earth held. The lack of negativity Lexa felt in times like that shook her to the core, and as the days had gone on, she worked on not letting it terrify her. 

“How’s your project going?” Lexa whispered. Clarke almost didn’t register the question, she was so relaxed. 

“It’s going,” Clarke did a tiny shrug. “I’m lacking inspiration. I need to paint something meaningful like kids playing in the park running to an ice cream truck, or you.”   
“You can paint me.”

“What?” Clarke stared at Lexa in awe. “I can?”

“Of course. I’m always here to help you.” 

With that, Clarke wrapped her arm around Lexa’s shoulder and pulled her closer, letting her warmth lull her into a trance she never wanted to be taken away from. 

 

The apartment welcomed them with the heavenly smell of mac and cheese, and they automatically knew Octavia was cooking. The coffee shop’s warmth had made Lexa and Clarke extremely sleepy and they stumbled into the kitchen rubbing their eyes, yawning heavily. 

“Jeez where were you grandmas? AB?”

The two girls nodded and clambered down the hall to whoever’s room was closest; Clarke’s. Lexa kicked the door shut haphazardly, and collapsed onto Clarke’s tempur pedic in a dull thud beside Clarke’s warm body. 

“Aren’t you guys gonna eat?” Octavia called from the kitchen. 

Clarke and Lexa groaned and Octavia didn’t push any further. After slipping out of their clothes and changing into pajamas, they settled under the covers and stared at one another with droopy eyes, and lazy smiles forming from their lips.

“So when would you like to paint me, Sky girl?” Lexa rasped. 

“Lex, I don’t have to if-”

“You are going to paint me, Clarke Griffin, and it will be beautiful.”

“Whatever you say, Commander. We can do it tomorrow if you want?”

Lexa nodded and nuzzled closer to Clarke. 

“Perfect.” 

They fell asleep, legs tangled together, hands clasped together and it was only 8:30. Octavia and Raven ravaged the mac and cheese, and stood in the doorway of Clarke’s room with full bellies looking in on their tangled best friends. They quietly high fived each other.   
“It’ll happen in no time,” Raven chuckled. 

\----

“Annnndd, my mom was wheeled into this shared room with Clarke’s madre,” Octavia babbled. “If Bell hadn’t called sooner, I would’ve probably been born in the back seat of uncle Joe’s station wagon next to a stack of porno mags and stale bugels.” 

Octavia, Raven and Lexa sat on Clarke’s bed in the illumination of light from the large open window as Clarke stood at her paint easel, focusing intently on Lexa’s features. She brushed the color of Lexa’s eyes into the white iris in various shades of greens. When Clarke looked up from her canvas and to Lexa, she smiled at the brunette scrunching her face at Octavia’s words.

“Anyway, Clarke’s mom was just about to pop Griffin out of her oven when my mom was settled in. Then they started to push together in some odd force that was stricken between them. And in room 8, me and Clarke were born at 8 am in the 8th month of the year. Then years later, we moved into apartment 8. Boom.” Lexa shook her head at the story she’d heard roughly a million times. 

“It’s like a cheesy fateful christmas story,” Lexa chuckled and caught Clarke’s knowing smirk as she poked her tongue out in concentration.

“How come you don’t tell the story of how we meet as much as you tell you and Clarke’s story?” Raven whined. 

“Because me and Griff have an awesome story. I met you in middle school when you dumped a carton of chocolate milk on me all because I took the last pudding.” Octavia rolled her eyes as Raven hugged her own waist and rode out her fit of laughter.

“Thus Octaven began!” Raven exclaimed and poked at Octavia’s sides. Octavia screamed out as Raven climbed on top of her and started to tickle her mad. Octavia squirmed and squealed, kicking Lexa in the chest in the middle of it. 

“Hey!” Clarke scolded the two grown up toddlers. “Don’t kick my model.”

“You mean your bae,” Raven eyed Clarke, challenging her. When Clarke glared back with fire blue eyes, Raven slumped against Octavia and raspberried Octavia’s displayed tummy. Octavia shrieked in a fit of giggles and Raven stood up. She yanked Octavia off of the bed and onto her feet, nodding to Clarke. 

“Let’s get out of here, O. Give these two love birds some time alone.” Lexa raised a pillow above her head and threw it at the two giggling girls who managed to escape her wrath, letting the pillow smack against the bedroom door as they slammed it shut. 

“I was done anyway,” Clarke shrugged and gestured for Lexa to come look at the painting. 

Lexa stood and padded over to the easel, eyeing the canvas as she stretched her achy muscles. The painting before her made her heart stutter. The piece was stunning. Varieties of color filled the square, sculpting into Lexa’s figure close up, tangled in a cream colored sheet, sitting on a bed of roses. The green in the eyes popped out against the black and blue background of the painting, and the sleepy shades of brown curls painted over her shoulders and chest stood out in contrast to her blushed skin. This all came from Clarke. Her intelligence, patience, and devotion to the painting won out in the beauty of the outcome. Lexa grabbed Clarke’s smooth hands and brushed her thumbs over the dried splatters of paint littering them.

“Do you like it?” Clarke breathed out nervously. The fact that Clarke had a single insecurity or worry that Lexa didn’t like what she had decorated the once plain canvas with irked Lexa. Clarke was more than amazing, and her art brought color to the black and white rift wedged into Lexa’s life. 

“Clarke, I love it.” Lexa gripped Clarke’s hands tighter. “You’re so talented. It looks like you grabbed your phone and took a picture of me, only even more beautiful. How do you do that?” Lexa waved her hand at the length of the painting. “Bring life to a still, stop the whirl of the world?

Lexa’s words nearly knocked Clarke over. No one had ever complimented her art like that before. Granted, the art was of the person who complimented her, but it was much more than that. Seeing Lexa admire her art made her shiver in goosebumps and light up in flames all at once.

“Art hands make art. Art hearts give it life. Art minds give it the structure it needs to be great.” Clarke simply replied. Lexa felt herself melt under Clarke’s stare, and a sudden idea came to mind.

“I want you to paint me.”

“Lex, I just did.” Clarke scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. 

“No,” Lexa shook her head and turned around, walking to Clarke’s bed. She tugged her shirt off, revealing her bare smooth tanned back to Clarke, and laid on her stomach on the black sheets. “Paint me. I’m your canvas.” 

Clarke’s mouth went dry at the sight of Lexa laying shirtless in her bed. She must’ve been dreaming. She had to have been. She would have pinched herself had Lexa not turned her head to stare at Clarke warmly. Clarke snapped out of it, grabbed her palette and inched her way to the beauty waiting patiently on the mattress. Clarke sat down next to Lexa, her movements stuttering as she pondered what color to use.

“You can sit on me if you need to,” Lexa hummed against her arm. 

“Oh, no Lex-”

“You’ve done it before, Clarke. It’s okay.” 

Begrudgingly, and shakely, Clarke climbed over Lexa and settled her bum onto the back top end of Lexa’s thighs. Making herself comfortable, she ran her fingers over her ‘canvas’ and felt the smooth skin burst into goosebumps. Clarke shivered as she ran her finger down the length of Lexa’s spine. 

Lexa closed her eyes at the feel of Clarke’s touch on her bare back. She felt so relaxed, she thought she could melt right through the mattress and onto the floor. The heat radiating from Clarke’s thighs against her own made her hips tingle and jut a little further into the bed. Hoping Clarke wouldn’t realize, Lexa sighed happily. The warmth from Clarke’s fingertip suddenly disappeared and was replaced with an ice cold liquid, making Lexa twitch. 

Clarke dipped the brush in the dark blue paint and gingerly stroked a blue line down Lexa’s back. The slight jump Lexa does from the sudden cold of the paint has Lexa’s hips pushing up into Clarke’s. Clarke bites her lip hard to keep her tiny moment of satisfaction to herself, then continues to paint even strokes of blue over Lexa’s shoulder blades and spine. Lexa remained completely still the remainder of the time. Clarke painted effortlessly, and hummed to herself and Lexa all the while the paint started to create the image Clarke was pitching for. By the time she was done, she thought Lexa might’ve fallen asleep. Lexa’s body sunk into the mattress, almost boneless. That was the most relaxed Clarke had ever seen Lexa. Clarke lightly skimmed over the drying paint with her index finger, tracing the greyed moon and the glowing gold of the sun sitting comfortably in the downy sea of black and stars. Lexa would love it. Clarke slowly reached over to the nightstand and grabbed her phone. She raised it high above her head so she could get the entirety of Lexa’s back, and took a picture to show to Lexa later. Clarke tucked a fallen blonde strand behind her ear, ignoring the fact that her bun was slowly but surely falling apart. She softly brushed the rest of Lexa’s long brown curls away to reveal the back of her neck. An infinity sign sat largely on the back of her neck, inked into her skin. Clarke wondered why, in all the time she had known Lexa, she hadn’t known Lexa had a tattoo. She traced her finger lightly over the symbol. 

“I got it four years ago,” Lexa blurted into the silence, alarming Clarke. Clarke shot her hand away quickly as if it had been burnt. “I got it with… I got it with Costia.” 

Clarke rubbed the straight edges of paint along Lexa’s back, making them into squiggly lines.   
“Your ex?” Clarke asked.

“Yes.” 

“So she has the same one?”

“Not exactly,” Lexa shook her head, making her hair cover up half of the tattoo. “She got a rose. It’s on the back of her neck too. I’m pretty sure she removed it by now.” The last sentence came out in a shameful whisper, and Clarke felt it hit her chest in a hard punch.

“Why would she do that?”

“Because of many things. I wasn’t worthy of being remembered. Not like that. Not inked into her skin. She probably regretted it more than she regret me. We were drunk when we got them but we kept them anyways. We didn’t want to go through the trouble of going to get it removed.” 

A thick silence hung over them as Clarke continued to rub the skin of Lexa’s back. 

“Do you wish you could get it removed?” Clarke asked in a soothing voice, moving her hands to a tense set of muscles on Lexa’s stiff back, rubbing hard to loosen them up.

“I forget it’s even there half of the time.” Lexa shook, trying to push the intruding thoughts back into her head. “At least we didn’t get each other's names.” The forced chuckle Lexa let out after that pained Clarke.

“What happened with her?” As soon as Clarke asked it, she regretted it. If Lexa’s back wasn’t stiff before, it was then. Clarke busied herself with concentration on massaging the anxious torso.

“Many things,” Lexa whispered. “But we don’t have to get into that. It’s all over. It’s done with.”

“Yes, we don’t.” Clarke agreed. “Don’t ever feel like you have to tell me things you aren’t comfortable with okay?”

As Clarke spoke, Lexa shifted her body, making sure the duvet could cover her chest, aware that the paint was dried and laid down on her back. Clarke still straddled Lexa, only now they were facing one another. Lexa reached up and brushed her thumb over the paint stains on Clarke’s blushing cheeks and smiled.

“I am comfortable with you,” Lexa reassured the flustered blonde on top of her. “I just don’t want to ruin this relaxing day with discussion about disastrous things that can wait.” 

Clarke nods and unconsciously pressed her face more into Lexa’s palm. Lexa sat up right with Clarke still in her lap, their faces mere inches away from each other. Clarke’s eyes shot down to Lexa’s lips then into her forest green eyes. The need inside of her to kiss Lexa was overpowering her. She was losing the battle she had been fighting for so long. Just as she started to lean in Lexa leaned in too. 

Then the door was busting open and slamming against the wall, Octavia and Raven in a scream match in the doorway. Octavia had chocolate milk dripping down her body and matting her hair while Raven was forming a bruise on her jaw. Lexa and Clarke stared at the two fighting so much that they hadn’t yet realized the compromising position Lexa and Clarke were in.

“She poured fucking chocolate milk all over me!”

“She deserved it! She was being such a-”

“I did not I was just-”

The bickering girls halted and stared wide eyed at Clarke and Lexa, both looking as if they were two deers caught in headlights. Lexa’s hand slid from Clarke’s cheek to her neck to balance herself as to not fall backward. Raven and Octavia took turns looking at each other then to Clarke and Lexa before babbling different apologies and encouragement. 

“We are soooo sorry,” Octavia drawled and yanked at Raven’s arm.

“Yes continue on, we did not just barge in, we’ve been in the living room the entire time. Just continue what you were doing!” Then the door was shut again and Octavia and Raven’s annoying presence’ were gone. 

Clarke started to laugh out her tummy, and wrapped her arms tight around Lexa’s back. Lexa giggled and tucked fallen strands from Clarke’s bun behind her ear. 

“I bet they’re so proud of themselves,” Clarke chuckled and leaned her head against Lexa’s. 

“They had nothing to do with it this time.” Lexa whispered. The laughter stopped. Clarke let herself sink into Lexa, and Lexa inhaled Clarke’s scent wanting nothing more than to touch her lips against the beautiful blonde’s pink ones. 

“Would you like to go to the movies so we could escape those goons?” Clarke asked in a gravelly voice in which made Lexa’s insides mush.

“I’d love to, Clarke.” 

Clarke looked at Lexa with such a tender smile and love idled eyes, Lexa couldn’t think through the fog of want and desire to kiss Clarke Griffin. Leaning in once more, Clarke closed her eyes, waiting for the moment everything changes. Waiting for her insides to explode into tiny little fireworks and her lips and limbs to turn into individual electric charges. But then a loud thump against the wall and muttered cursing and ‘ouches’ and ‘shut ups’ pulled the two out of it, startled. They both rolled their eyes and Clarke lifted herself from Lexa’s lap. Lexa’s legs stubbornly met the cold, and immediately missed Clarke’s heat. 

“Get dressed, commander.” Clarke giggled and grabbed the actual painting from earlier, off of the easel, and placed it on her wall. “There’s no place like home.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The car was filled to the brim with Clarke’s perfume and Lexa figured she prefered it better than fresh air. The drive to the movie theater was short since it was only a few minutes away from Clarke’s apartment. The place wasn’t too packed since all that was showing was a bunch of oldies classics; The Wizard of Oz, Gone With the Wind, A Streetcar Named Desire, Rebel Without a Cause and Casablanca. The community theater always had an old movie marathon for at least two weeks a month, which bored the hell out of a lot of people, but struck home to others. 

Lexa and Clarke stood arm in arm in the small line of the ticket booth when Lexa’s phone screeched from her pocket. Lexa fumbled her hands into her jeans pocket and fished the vibrating, fiend out of it. The screen read “AnyaAss” and Lexa groaned. Anya always picked the most convenient times to call her and bug her. 

“I’m gonna take this quick, It’s Anya,” Lexa looked at Clarke apologetically. 

“Go ahead, Lex. I’m gonna get our tickets.” Clarke smiled, and Lexa grinned back before she turned and walked closer to the road, which wasn’t busy whatsoever. Lexa pressed the answer button and placed the phone to her ear. 

“What An?” Lexa bit out.

“Damn, well hello to you too,” Anya said bitterly.

“Sorry,” Lexa sighed. “It’s just you got me at a not so good time.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing I’m just at the movies.”

“With Clarke?” Anya asked.

“Yes with Clarke,” Lexa sighed once again.

“Well, when are you gonna come home? You’ve been at Griffin’s all week. Stitch misses you.” 

“You know you can come over there right? Raven’s been asking why you haven’t come around in awhile.” The other end was silent but Anya’s blush might as well have been louder than a gunshot.

“I know I can,” Anya grunted. “I’ve just been busy with work and whatnot.”

“Well, come over soon. And bring Stitch too. You know those girls love cats.” 

“I will this weekend, I’m working overtime to get a bit extra.” 

Lexa bit her lip wondering how Anya can take being around such negative people all day every day. Being around criminals, watching over them like a more certified babysitter for the damned. Anya had always been able to put up with things like that. She was a hard ass, and wasn’t afraid of anything but bee stings and hail. 

“Okay, just drop in when you can.”

“It sounds like you live there now,” Anya snorted. 

“An, dont.”

“I’m not bitter over it. I just think you should grow some balls and ask Griffin out.”

“We technically are out. But An?”

“Hmm?”

“I think tonight I’m going to ask her to be my girlfriend.” 

Silence. Large breath. Heart ticking.

“It’s about damn time,” Anya boomed. 

 

Clarke stood by the ticket booth eyeing Lexa speaking into her phone, waving her hands and crinkling her nose as she spoke. Clarke smiled to herself then remembered to answer Octavia’s text, otherwise she would get about ten more and have to take more thought into her answers. 

Octagon 8:15pm   
So did you guys kiss? What went on?

Griffster 8:16pm   
No, O. We didn’t kiss. 

Octagon 8:16pm  
You were about to though. You were. 

Griffster 8:16pm  
Yes, we were about to. 

Octagon 8:16pm  
Me and Raven totally called it! You owe us.

Griffster 8:17pm  
I do not owe you. It was happening on our own accord.

Octagon 8:17  
Mhmmm sure.

Octagon 8:17pm  
So is it going to go any further?

Clarke stared down at the screen contemplating whether or not she should tell Octavia. Octavia was her best friend from basically all the way back to when they were last cradled by their mothers wombs. She could trust Octavia with everything and anything. She was her sister, and always would be. Clarke knew all Octavia wanted was for Clarke to be happy after all that’s happened. And Clarke felt a swell of appreciation for her best friend. 

Griffster 8:17pm   
I was thinking about it a lot even before today

Octagon 8:18pm  
Yeah?

Griffster 8:18pm  
I’m going to ask her to be my girlfriend.   
I’ve felt it since I met her. It’s her, O.  
She’s it.

Octagon: 8:18  
Aw baby Griff! I’m so happy for you  
And Lexa would be one lucky girl.  
You go get her, champ!

Griffster: 8:18  
Champ?

Octagon: 8:18   
Just go get your girl, Clarke. 

Just as Clarke pocketed her phone, Lexa stood beside Clarke with the same apologetic smile plastered to her face she had before taking the call.

“Don’t worry about it,” Clarke reassured the brunette. “I was talking to O quick anyway. I got the tickets. You ready?” 

Lexa grinned at the beautiful girl in front of her, slid her arm into hers, and nodded. “There’s no place like home.”

“Don’t I know it.” 

 

The movie started about ten minutes after they were seated, and there were only about ten other people there. Lexa and Clarke sat in the back seats and sat the popcorn on the armrest between them. The old film showed up on the large screen, pockets of film and string crackling gave it the vintage feel, and Lexa sighed contentedly, and scooted closer to Clarke, who in turn draped her arm over Lexa’s leather clad shoulders. The entirety of the movie was spent in silence as both women sat comfortably in each other’s presence, soaking up the old familiar feeling of childhood that was held in Judy Garland’s candied voice. 

“I always wanted a dog like Toto when I was a kid,” Lexa whispered to Clarke as the tin man whimpered with lips sealed closed. 

“Why didn’t you ever get one?”

“It wasn’t that easy, Clarke.” 

Clarke inwardly scolded herself. She knew if she had wanted one as a kid, her dad would’ve gotten one for her. Not that she was spoiled. Her parents were just wealthy enough to do so. Clarke had been a good kid for the most part, save for the rebellious middle school phase. So she could get things as she pleased from time to time. Looking at Lexa then, Clarke felt ashamed that she would think it was that easy for Lexa. She knew that Lexa didn’t grow up in the wealthiest of homes. Clarke let the feeling of guilt strangle her insides. She felt she deserved it.

“But maybe someday.” Lexa smiled, and soothed Clarke’s nerves. “Did you know Judy Garland was only sixteen when she filmed this?” Lexa whispered once more as Judy’s face pops onto the screen.

“No kidding?”

“Yep. MGM treated her like a prop. A money making prop.” 

“It’s a shame, really. The things that fill our childhood were made with greed and sometimes force.”

Lexa nodded in agreement. Then they were silent once more, sucked into the contents of the movie. The wonderful colors of Oz. The theater had whispers from time to time, but none that really bothered anyone, and all of Lexa’s focus was trained on the humongous screen. Clarke examined the brunette tenderly and felt a nervous pang in her heart, that dropped low in her belly. She was going to ask this girl, her best friend to be hers. Not in ownership, no. Never. But in love. In adoration, warmth, want, desire. She was going to ask the moon to her side of the stars, and her core burned with each passing second left of the movie. Little did Clarke know, craters were forming in Lexa’s tummy to house the butterflies flapping away in there. She was going to ask Clarke to follow her into the forest and lead her to the sky together. And she couldn’t have been more excited and more nervous then.

When the movie ended with Dorothy safely back home in Kansas, in her warm bed surrounded by everyone who cared for her, everyone had filed out of the dark room, and left Clarke and Lexa stretching and yawning. After Lexa insisted Clarke to help her clean up all of the food and trash people had left behind in their isle, they were standing outside of the movie theater, under the blinking yellow lights of the ticket booth. Clarke’s nerves were eating away at her skin and her resolve was thickening, as she looked at Lexa’s beautiful face. Fear rolled over her like a lake of insecurity. What if she says no? What if all of this time, she hasn’t felt it? That it’s only been me? What if this ruins us? God, I can’t ever lose her. What happens after this? Her thoughts tormented her, and through her internal suffering, she gave Lexa a tight lipped smile and grabbed Lexa’s icey cold hands, warming them up with hers. 

When Clarke opened her mouth to speak, Lexa beat her to it.

“Clarke,” Lexa trailed off and scuffed her shoe against the pavement. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask for a while now. And I’m going to try so hard not to let this be cheesy or so middle schoolish.” Lexa’s cheeks burned. “But you are probably the most fantastic, most creative, caring intelligent, beautiful person I’ve ever met. An-and I really would love to do things with you.” Lexa cringed at her last sentence and let go of one of Clarke’s hands to facepalm herself. 

“I-I meant-”

“I know what you meant,” Clarke said lightly and stroked a finger over Lexa’s heated cheeks. Lexa’s eyes met Clarke’s again, and she smiled nervously. 

“You do?”

“Yes I do”

“So you will?”

“Do things with you? Hell yeah, I will!”, Clarke whooped and busted out in a chuckle. Lexa groaned and covered her lava face with both hands this time. When Clarke was done laughing, she grabbed Lexa’s hands and gently pulled them away from her flustered face. Lexa bit her lip, and looked at Clarke with puppy dog eyes that were less begging, but more loving. 

“Yes, Lexa. I’ve been yours for a long time now. It’d only be right to make it official. I’m yours.”

“And I’m yours?”

“And you’re mine.” Clarke nodded and kissed Lexa’s long fingers. 

“Now shall we go home and feel the splitting excitement of Raven and Octavia and let them think they were the result of this?”  
Lexa beamed at Clarke and intertwined their fingers. 

“Lead the way, Sky girl.” 

“It’s my pleasure.” 

The drive home was filled with heat. Desire and heat. Longing and heat. Laughter and heat. Tiredness and heat. And when they were dragged into the apartment by their two friends, begging for saucy details, they fell into one another and told fibs of the night, irritating Raven and Octavia enough to leave them alone in the living room where they instantly fell asleep to impractical jokers and Octavia and Raven talking among themselves on how it really happened, in the background.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was longer than I expected but I’m really happy with how it turned out. Sorry it always takes me so long to update. I’ve just been extremely busy. But I worked on this all day, literally. I’m so glad people like it, I wasn’t expecting so many reviews and likes. Thank you to all that have been reading and I hope you’re enjoying it. I’m going to try to write and post chapter 6 as soon as I can. At least sooner than all of these updates have been. Anyway, thank you and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :)


	6. Damage and Bloody Mary's

If Clarke had any qualms about being pressed flush against Lexa, pinned to the front door, it would be the fact she couldn’t finish what Lexa had started. Lexa’s lips attacked Clarke’s hungrily. Tongues sliding together in sync, heated skin and labored breathing. Clarke would have been long gone by then. But Octavia and Raven’s protests from the other side of the front door kept her tethered to Earth.

“Come on you lovesick nerds, let us in!” Raven yelled through the door. “This isn’t funny! It’s fucking freezing out here!”

“You two can go finish that in Clarke’s room. For fucks sake just let us in!”

Lexa pulled her lips away from Clarke’s, chest heaving. “We can’t finish it because you guys are home,” Lexa retorted, staring at the door as if she could see right through it at their friend’s pissed off faces. 

“This is the third time this week, Lexa.” Octavia groaned. “We got pizza.”

Clarke stared at the beauty still pinning her to the cold exterior of the door, and couldn’t believe she was hers. With half lidded eyes, she scanned her girlfriend’s body and held back the forceful moan. Even the mention of pizza could not pull her from this stupor. Clarke reached out and touched the heated skin of Lexa’s collarbone, making her lover’s attention sway back to her. Their eyes met, and Clarke’s knees went weak at the sight of Lexa’s blown pupils only leaving a sliver of forest green. Lexa bent down and moved her lips against Clarke’s neck teasingly. 

“Shall we let them in?” The brunette mouths against Clarke’s already damp skin.

“To Hell with them,” Clarke heaves out. “This is what they wanted right?” She smirked wittily and moaned as Lexa softly grazed the skin of her neck with her teeth. 

“Hey!” The two girls behind the door objected. “We wanted you angsty morons to bang out your sexual frustration and be happy, not lock us out of the house when it’s nearly snowing just because you’re hot and bothered!” Octavia pounded her fist on the door. 

The door across from them, apartment 9, opened and revealed a thin old woman that looked as if her eyes had seen better days, and her closet threw up on her. 

“Would you twits keep it down!” The old woman growled. “My cat cannot sleep!” She slammed the door mighty hard for an elder. Octavia and Raven stared at one another and bit the side of their cheeks. They were cold, tired, and pissed.

“Clarke, Lexa, I swear if you don’t let us in, I’m calling Anya!” Raven yelled despite the old woman’s protest. 

Lexa pulled away from Clarke and bit her lip. Dealing with a pissed Anya was not what Lexa wanted. She knew Anya was probably working, but if Raven called her in need of help, she would drop what she was doing and rescue her. This would be a situation that could possibly end with Clarke and Lexa’s heads on sticks and Anya losing the raise she was working so hard for. 

Clarke sighed and turned around. She begrudgingly opened the door and nearly got knocked over by Octavia and Raven bringing a gust of cool air in with them. Octavia threw the pizza box onto the dining table clumsily. 

“Enjoy your cold pizza,” She mumbled and stomped her way to her room, Raven in tow. 

Clarke and Lexa flipped the lid of the box open and grabbed the cold, stiff pizza. They shrugged and took bites of the delicious food. The heat from the kissing still mingled around them and they eyed one another as they bit off doughy cheesy pieces. Octavia and Raven blasted music from Octavia’s room, giving them the sign that if they wanted to, they were free to do it. Lexa giggled and handed her crust over to Clarke who happily sunk her teeth into it.

“Do you think they know we still haven’t done it yet?” 

“I think they try to convince themselves that we have,” Clarke mumbled through her mouthful of crust.

“Jokes on them then.”

“Mmm.” 

The air grew impossibly thick, as they stared into each other’s eyes. The want was apparent. It was there, flashing like a broken green light. Lexa closed the distance between them once again, softly moving her lips expertly against Clarke’s. Lexa doesn’t think she’ll ever get over how familiar Clarke feels. Like she’s being welcomed home whenever she’s around the blonde. Don’t make her your security blanket. Oh but Clarke was Lexa’s safe place to land. Soft, smooth, yellow sunlight dipping into her dark yelling so clearly I am here! I’m not going anywhere! You are enough! You are enough! You are enough!

The kiss intensified within seconds, and they were back to where they were a few minutes before. Tongues battled each other. Clarke gripped the back of Lexa’s neck and wrapped her other hand around Lexa’s waist and pulled her flushed against her. The kiss wasn’t sloppy, no. Not by any means. It was passionate. It was filled with desire, want, need. Lexa’s hands gripped Clarke’s hips, and pushed them towards her. She was encircled with heat, and Clarke Clarke Clarke. Then Clarke’s hands slipped from Lexa’s waist and down to the hem of Lexa’s jeans. Her mind was so fogged up, and she was caught up in the heat, in the passion that she didn’t realize truly where Clarke was headed. When she felt smooth fingers slip into the waistband of her underwear, she forced herself to pull her lips away from Clarke’s bruised ones. They both panted heavily, and Lexa rested her head against Clarke’s. She tried her hardest to gain her self control back enough to form coherent words. 

“Not yet, Clarke,” She husked out in a gravelly voice. Clarke nods instantly 

“We will never do anything you are not ready for.”

“Oh, I’m ready,” Lexa said with conviction. “I’m more than ready. I just-” She stops mid sentence to search Clarke’s calm face. 

God, she was beautiful. Her cheeks blushed crimson, and her long eyelashes batted against the skin beneath her eyes as her heavy eyelids framed the blown pupils eliminating the her blue irises. Yes, Lexa was ready. She wanted to give herself to Clarke. She wanted to bare her soul to her and let her in. To let Clarke explore her. To know her to her core, and see her bare. Not only with her naked body, but her soul. But she couldn’t do it now. She hadn’t had time to do anything.

“I just want to make it really special. I want for you to enjoy it so much you see stars. I want you to open up to me when I open up to you. I want to fill the room with flower petals and play your favorite album. I want to be cheesy because with you, it isn’t cheesy. Clarke, I am so ready. But please let me make it beautiful. That is what you deserve. The best.”

Clarke beamed at Lexa with unshed tears, and nodded. She was truly speechless. How, on this ugly, dead earth did she find Lexa Woods in embers? Lexa in the ashes of the world? How did she ever get so lucky?

“Now, darling,” Lexa sighed. “Let’s go to bed. We both have class tomorrow.”

“I bet we’ll get a ton of studying done,” Clarke yawned. “Professor Kane is nice, but he’s so boring. I end up always being distracted by you anyway.”

Lexa followed Clarke into her room and swatted at Clarke’s bum playfully. 

“It’s important to know Erikson’s theory of development. Could explain why you’re such a catch.” Lexa winked. 

Clarke threw her top to the ground, and faced Lexa, completely bare. Lexa’s mouth went dry and watered at the same time. Clarke always had that effect on her. Clarke didn’t break eye contact with Lexa as she slid her loose pajama shirt over her head. Yes, Clarke was definitely a catch. 

 

When Lexa got back from her late afternoon run, Clarke was sitting cross legged on her unmade bed, textbook on one thigh and notepad on the other. Her blonde hair was a tangled mess, and she chewed absentmindedly on her pen. Lexa dropped her running shoes by the closet and smirked at Clarke. She was in study mode. When Lexa sat beside her and planted a kiss to her cheek, she didn’t even look up. Lexa tucked some loose hair behind Clarke’s ear then fell to her back onto the blankets. Her day had started with a hussle considering she and Clarke had slept through their alarm and they were nearly late to their psychology class. Then once in class, during the lecture, Clarke’s hand willed itself to stay warm and heavy on Lexa’s upper thigh. Clarke smirked the entire time at Lexa’s blushed cheeks and tense shoulders. Yes, Clarke was a catch. But so was Lexa. 

Lexa sat up and scooted closer to Clarke until her front was pressed against Clarke’s back. She reached her arms around Clarke’s waist, then settled her hands flat onto Clarke’s tummy. Clarke’s head finally came up and she sighed contently. She was about to say something about the one theory that just wouldn’t stick to her brain, but then Lexa’s lips were on her neck, peppering soft kisses over her fair skin. Clarke let her head fall back onto Lexa’s shoulder and unabashedly placed her hand over Lexa’s, inching it the slightest bit upwards. Lexa took the hint and let her hands run up and over Clarke’s ribcage, brushing the undersides of her breasts. Clarke’s breath started to come in short pants as Lexa sucked onto the skin of her neck, Clarke’s pulse beat erratically under Lexa’s pink lips. The textbook and note pad that had been resting on Clarke’s thighs hit the carpeted floor with a dull thump. 

“Lex,” Clarke whimpered. 

She wanted to go on like this forever. She wanted to turn around, push Lexa to her back and kiss her all over. Explore Lexa’s body with her fingertips. Memorize every stitching of skin that held Lexa together, with her tongue and lips. She wanted to feel the warmth from Lexa and gaze upon it dripping from her fingers like honey and art. She wanted to see Lexa’s head thrown back in surrender to her fears, giving herself over to love and passion and pleasure. She wanted to let Lexa know that she was hers. That she wanted to bring out the tense in her posture with her mouth and soothe every ache and crack in her heart with her hands palming her chest. She wanted it all. She didn’t want to wait. But then she lifted her head and gazed into Lexa’s lusted intense eyes and knew she could wait forever for this woman. She truly could. 

Lexa’s lip trembled, Clarke’s teeth sunk desperately into her own. Then Lexa was kissing her, soft yet hard. Teeth clashing, tongues tangling, heat. There was nothing truly like mending together with the one who understands you most. The one who cares for you like you’re a plate of fine china in a war zone. Soothing lips, ironing souls on a table of roses and love letters. Lexa felt every weight on her shoulders clatter to the floor along with her resolve. 

Clarke was a girl that came from a wealthy family, shared vodka bottles with her friends at recess in middle school, and made art with the hands that molded her into a better person and melted her with baffling heat. Clarke was every single painting on a wall or in a storage garage somewhere. She was the sun hiding behind the clouds on days where she wasn’t so sure of herself, and the big ball of fire in the pit of Lexa’s tummy when their lips seared and her nerves swam beneath her skin along her skeleton. Clarke was her person, messy with paint, so neat with her love. Lexa wanted it. God she wanted it all. She wanted to know Clarke as Krist Novoselic knew Kurt Cobain. She wanted to love Clarke as the dirtbag loved the angel. She wanted it. And she knew for that very reason, that she probably wouldn’t get it. The thought irked her, and she pushed it away. She couldn’t let it break the moment. She couldn’t let herself break this like she broke her and Costia. She wouldn’t let herself. Not when she looked into Clarke’s eyes and saw depths that were never there in Costia’s. 

Clarke revelled in the feel of Lexa’s hands teasingly rubbing under her breasts. It was as if Lexa was waiting for indication or permission. Clarke placed her hands over Lexa’s and inched them upwards once more. Then Lexa’s long fingers spread over Clarke’s full breasts, enticing a low moan from Clarke. Lexa’s mind fogged as she squeezed the round fleshy mounds, and knew she should stop it if she were to continue with her plan of making it perfect. But she couldn’t pull herself away. Clarke filled each and every bit of her. She was intoxicated with the blonde, and she knew with the rushing heat between her thighs it would be hard to pull herself out of it. She didn’t want to.

Lexa ran her hands back down over Clarke’s tummy. Clarke whimpered impatiently. Then Lexa’s cold hands were under Clarke’s tank top, pressed against her heated skin. Clarke hissed at the sudden icy cold of Lexa’s palms and lightly bit Lexa’s lip. Lexa rubbed her hands softly against Clarke’s tummy, gaining some of Clarke’s heat. Her hands found their home on Clarke’s bare breasts and groaned at the feel of their weight in her palms. Lexa kneaded the the hot flesh with her fingers and placed sloppy kisses all over Clarke’s jaw and neck. Clarke’s breath was short and her cheeks were flustered. She wanted Lexa. she wanted her bad. All she would have to do was just turn around. 

The bedroom door flew open and startled the heated women so much Clarke hit her chin on Lexa’s head and they both groaned in pain. Jasper stood in the doorway with a shit eating grin on his face with Monty behind him grimacing at the awkward situation. 

“Raven, O!” Jasper yelled without removing his eyes from the scene before him. “You owe me ten bucks!” 

Octavia bumped Jasper over and stared at Clarke and Lexa. Lexa’s hands were still on Clarke’s breasts under her shirt, and Clarke’s hands had somehow ended up gripping Lexa’s thighs. 

“They aren’t doing it Jas, ya twat,” Octavia scoffed.

“They are totally about to though.”

“Me and Raven won the bet. Get over it.” 

The three disappeared and left the door open. Lexa shook her head but made no effort to remove her hands away from Clarke. Raven was suddenly leaning against the door jam, grinning at her best friends as she shook her head. 

“You two better get yourself together and get dressed in something saucy. We’re going to the club,” Raven commanded.  
Clarke and Lexa groaned in unison. 

“And enough with the moans, you’re making me a little hot and bothered.” Raven winked and scurried away before a pillow could be thrown at her.

Lexa glanced to Clarke and let her eyes roam over Clarke’s kiss bruised lips, then to her chest where she could see the indents of her own fingers over Clarke’s breasts through Clarke’s orange tank top. The sight made a rush of heat run through her and she knew if she was going to get up and dressed, she had to tear herself away from the sexy blonde. Lexa slid her hands from under Clarke’s shirt, immediately missing the heat. She pecked Clarke on the lips and stood up on shaky legs. Making her way to the bag she kept in Clarke’s room that held some of her clothes. 

“Such bad timing huh?” Lexa winked before sliding off her pants. Clarked eyed Lexa’s long tan legs and had to stop her mouth from watering. 

“Y-yeah,” Clarke uttered. “Definitely bad timing.”

 

The club was its usual loud self. The various shades of neon lights blinked to the beat of the music, and bodies danced against bodies. The air reeked of sweat, sex and alcohol just as anyone would expect. Lexa hated clubs. She hated the fuzzy minds, the heavy limbs and the vomit. Nothing good comes from drinking. But she hated it a little less when she was with her friends. When she was with Clarke. 

They seated themselves in a booth and ordered drinks. Lexa got a cola with rum, not wanting to go heavy and Clarke just about ordered every drink under the moon. Octavia sat in Lincoln’s lap as she retold the story of her and Clarke’s births. He wrapped his strong arms around her and looked at her like she was the absolute most beautiful woman in that room. To him, she was. Sat next to them, were Jasper and Maya, then Monty and Harper. Then across from them sat Lexa with Clarke in her arms, and Bellamy, Raven and Murphy drinking shots making bets on who can get a girl first. 

Lexa looked around at her friends and smiled. She felt for once in her life she finally fit in. For once, she had a place and she mattered to the people that mattered to her. Clarke snuggled into Lexa further and Lexa’s heart oozed. She was on top of the world. Nothing could take her down from this high. She kissed Clarke’s temple and rubbed soothing circles on her arm. 

“Let’s go dance!” Octavia boomed. “Not wanting to spend my night crammed in this booth. Although I really don’t mind being close to you babe.” 

Octavia kissed Lincoln softly.   
“We need to breathe, O,” Lincoln laughed. “Let’s go.”

The rest agreed and filed out of the booth and to the dance floor, shots still in their hands. Clarke waggled her eyebrows and pulled Lexa out of the booth. Lexa went reluctantly and let her senses once again get flooded with Clarke. She wrapped her arms around Clarke’s waist and watched as her hips swayed lusciously in that blue dress clinging to her curves. 

Lexa leaned in close and Clarke interlocked her hands at the back of Lexa’s neck, twirling Lexa’s hair at the nape of her neck. 

“You know that’s my favorite dress you own,” Lexa whispered.

Clarke shuddered and pressed herself right against Lexa’s front whilst still moving her hips in a punishing rhythm. 

“Is it?” Clarke husked. 

“Mhm.” 

The club was hot, blistering and crowded all on its own. But the air grew impossibly thicker and Lexa wanted Clarke right then. To hell with the roses and wine. To hell with surprises and taking their time. She wanted Clarke. She needed her like she needed water to survive. At least she thought to that extent.   
“I like it better on your floor though,” Lexa added then gripped Clarke’s hips. Clarke pulled Lexa down to her lips and kissed her within the heat. Her whole body was a dune of hot sand, crumbling beneath Lexa’s touch. 

Clarke felt a harder grip on her arm and next thing, she was yanked hard by a drunk Raven. Raven stumbled into her and started to dance. Clarke rolled her eyes at the brunette and led her to the bar, sending an apologetic look to Lexa. Lexa laughed and told her to go ahead. 

Raven slammed her elbows down onto the wet counter of the bar and giggled at the man beside her. He stared at her with want in his eyes, cocaine flaked his goatee. Clarke glared at him and moved Raven to the end of the bar where the bar woman stood mixing drinks. 

“What’ll ya have?” The dirty blonde mixer asked in a southern accent.

“Just a water for this one,” Clarke nodded her head to Raven who still hadn’t returned from her fit of giggles. The mixer filled a glass with foggy water and slid it harshly to Clarke, then returned to mixing her drinks. 

“Come on, Raven drink it,” Clarke said through her annoyance. “You’ll feel a bit better.” 

Raven mumbled words that couldn’t be understood and grumpily downed the dirty water grimacing as it went down her throat. Clarke rolled her eyes and chuckled at the brunette now resting her head on her folded arms on the counter. Raven was wild. Not as wild as Octavia, no. But definitely wild. 

A cold hand wrapped around Clarke’s upper arm and turned her around. Clarke expected to turn and see Lexa’s beautiful face staring back at her, but a bleach blonde with the sculpted face of a model and lips of plastic surgery grinned down her in a mischievous way. 

“Can I help you with something?” Clarke shrugged her arm from the woman’s grip.

“You sure can, honey.” Then huge wet lips were on hers and Clarke felt as if she had been smacked.

Shocked, her eyes flew open and she started to shove the woman away from her, but the blonde only tugged her to her harder. Clarke started to panic. She then raised her hand to the cheek of the woman and slapped as hard as she could. The woman shot away from Clarke and glared at her incredulously. The blonde rubbed the sting on her cheek. Clarke swallowed down the bile waiting for fists to fly or hair to be pulled. 

The lady curled her hands into fists and muttered, “You prude bitch.” Then held her nose to the ceiling, walking away her pride and ego clearly not affected. Clarke took a huge breath and turned back to find Raven speaking drunk language with an equally intoxicated woman. Clarke’s eyes searched through the mob of dancing clubbers trying desperately to find Lexa. She was nowhere to be seen. Then when she turned around, she caught a glimpse of Lexa walking out the front doors. Clarke’s heart dropped into her stomach, and a large lump the size of Texas formed in her throat thick as cotton. This was bad. Really bad.

Lexa pushed the doors open frantically. Her sweaty skin met the fresh cool air of the night and soothed her chaotic nerves only the slightest. She had to breathe. She had to think. Or maybe not think at all. All of the memories and negative feelings were coming back, flying into her like torpedos. Seeing Clarke kissing that woman, being cradled in someone else’s arms brought back the nights where she came home to an empty bed, and woke the same way without Costia there. The words that flew from Costia’s lips rang loud in her head. You are not worthy of anything, Lexa. You’re the one who ruined this. Who would do that shit to someone they love? Her name is Ella and she makes me happy. I’m sorry but we’re done. I used to love you so much, but I can’t stand you much anymore. Ella’s arms feel like home. Yours were always so cold. 

Lexa wrapped her arms around her tummy and kneeled to the ground, trying to close herself off from the feelings hitting her. She squeezed her eyes shut, forcing out breaths. Hot spikes flamed underneath her skin. Puffs of air escaped her chest in long strides and she struggled to gulp in the air when she needed. She knew Clarke was too perfect for her. What she felt with her was too good to be real. It was too amazing to last. 

Lexa was too inside of her own head to hear Clarke’s soothing voice calling her back to reality. Clarke pulled Lexa to her feat and examined her. Lexa looked at Clarke with tears streaming down her eyes. Clarke’s chest burned and the guilt gnawed at her. She knew it wasn’t her fault, but the look on Lexa’s face was breaking her heart. 

“Lex, I didn’t kiss her,” Clarke’s voice cracked. “She just suddenly came up and grabbed me and kissed me. I swear I would not do that to you.” 

Lexa nodded her head and looked at the ground. The tears from her eyes splat to the ground and Lexa choked back her emotions, but to no avail. “I know,” She sniffled.

“Lexa, I would never ever cheat on you or intentionally hurt you. I promise. I pushed her away right as her lips hit mine.” Clarke grabbed Lexa’s arms softly. 

“I know, Clarke I know.” Lexa forced a smile to Clarke and sighed, trying her hardest to avoid eye contact with the striking blonde. All she wanted to do was fall into Clarke’s arms and hold her. Let her in to see the ugly parts so she could run away and just get it over with. 

“Come on, Lex let’s just go. We can just go to my place and sleep.” Clarke rubbed soothing circles on Lexa’s arms hoping desperately that they could just go home and sleep the stressful night away. 

The conflict Lexa was battling within herself showed on her face and Clarke wanted to know what made her that way. She wanted to soothe her and bring her down from the panic. But she couldn’t when she knew nothing about what was making her so frightened. So drawn away. Lexa had always been close to her all the time Clarke knew her. But in that moment, she had never felt so far away. 

“I’m just gonna go home tonight,” Lexa finally looked into Clarke’s worried eyes and felt her heart skip a beat. “I have to see how Anya is doing and stitch probably misses me.”

Lexa lied through her teeth and Clarke stared in awe at the sight of Lexa slowly drifting away from her. Clarke wouldn’t allow it to happen. Over her dead cold body. But sensing Lexa needed space, she didn’t reach out and try to her bring her back. She nodded her head and grabbed Lexa’s hand. Lexa looked up at Clarke one last time before turning around and walking down the road. Lexa’s hands were cold and Clarke wished so badly that she could warm them up. She stood outside the club watching Lexa’s figure get smaller and smaller as she walked down the road. She wanted to run after her but she also knew if she did, it would make the situation worse. She just wanted Lexa to feel okay. She couldn’t let Lexa hurt. She would make it up to her the best way she knew how.

Lexa walked toward the direction of her and Anya’s apartment, clutching her arms against her chest. She could feel Clarke’s eyes burn a hole through her back until she turned the corner. You’re not enough you’re not enough you’re not enough played in her mind over and over like a broken record all the way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ///// NOTES /////  
> I’m sorry this took awhile. It didn’t take as long as I thought it would though. Sorry for leaving you in such a shitty moment but the next chapter will definitely make up for it. Thanks to all of you for reading and I hope you enjoy!


	7. La Luna and Soapy Glass

The apartment was filled to the brim with gift baskets. Lexa wiped at her stinging eyes and kicked her shoes off beside the front door. Stitch was directly at her feet bursting with meows and purrs. Lexa sniffled and bent down to scoop the black cat into her arms. Stitch nudged his head against Lexa’s chin and purred even louder as Lexa scratched him behind his ear. 

Anya appeared from the hallway looking like she just came out of a dumpster. Her long dirty blonde hair stuck up in different directions and her eyeliner and mascara smudged (Not that Lexa’s looked any better in that particular moment) And she was still wearing her prison guard uniform. 

“You remember when I quit that bartending job to finally become a guard?” Anya sighed. Lexa nodded. 

“Well I’m regretting it. Apparently I’ve done too well.”

“So they all like you?”

“Yes, and it sickens me.” Anya grabbed a very large basket off the table and sat it next to the rest of baskets crowded together in the corner. “What’s wrong with you? You and Griffin get into a fight?”

And there it was. The question Lexa was waiting for. She knew it was coming but it still killed her all the more of having to explain it to Anya. Anya knew her better than anyone else, but at times Anya was blunt when Lexa needed heart. And she was so exhausted and just wanted to crawl in bed with Stitch to sleep the night away. Morning would hit her with regret and she would regain herself. She knew she surely scared Clarke away and possibly ruined their relationship, but thinking about it made her sink into herself more and she just couldn’t handle it. Not then. And maybe not ever. 

“I don’t wanna talk about it, An.” Lexa pushed past Anya and tried to get to her room, but Anya grabbed her arm tightly. 

“Lex, come on now. Something’s really bothering the shit out of you. Did Griffin hurt you? I will go over there right now and kick her ass.”

Lexa shook her head. “No she didn’t hurt me. And like hell you would dare touch Clarke when you live and breathe for Raven Reyes. Raven would have you on your ass in a minute, and you know Octavia works at a self defence class.” 

Lexa freed her arm from Anya’s grip and strided to her room not bothering to close the door knowing Anya wasn’t done with her yet. 

Lexa set Stitch down onto her bed, then plopped on it herself. Her day had begun so hectic and ended the same way. She should’ve known she wasn’t good enough for Clarke. She knew Clarke wasn’t the one who kissed the broad at the club. She knew Clarke saw the world when she looked at her, and she was definitely well aware Clarke would rather eat her own hand than see Lexa suffer. But Lexa couldn’t help but suffer. Costia’s reminders wouldn’t leave her head. She had been trying to convince herself she was worth everything Clarke gave and invested into her. But how easy is that to do when there’s a constant reminder that you are worthless and ruin everything you touch. 'I touched Clarke and everything is ruined now', Lexa thought.

The mattress beneath her dipped and Anya’s perfume filled the room and threatened to gas her. Stitch curled up on the pillow closest to the wall and continued to purr. Anya placed a hand on Lexa’s back and tried to rub it.

“Somethings really gotcha kid,” She muttered. “Is it Costia?”

The name hung in the air like the smell of fresh shit hung in a public restroom. Lexa flinched then nodded. Anya sighed loudly and shook her head. 

“You need to get her out of your head. All of that shit she said to you was wrong. She was the pathetic one. You were always there when she needed you, Lexa. Through hell or high water, she called your name, you went to her. She needed you, you were there. And where was she when you needed her huh? Yeah, Lex. She was at a party drinking somewhere or taking the piss with her friends talking about you as if you were anything less than what you are.” 

The tears didn’t come. Lexa had already broke once tonight. She wouldn’t let it flow again. She couldn’t. Emotions were weakness.

“You were dedicated. You were loyal and caring and affectionate. You were there for her. You loved her. And what did she do in return? Cheat on you with the chick that gave her a lap dance in Piglet Squirts. She put you down every day and you took it because you loved her. And everything she said to you haunts you doesn’t it? You think you don’t deserve Clarke? Or happiness? Well you’re damn wrong, kid. You deserve the world and it looks like Clarke wants to give it to you.” 

Lexa’s chest ached and her head thumped at the impact of Anya’s words. She was right. Anya was always right. Lexa finally sat up and faced her best friend wondering just how all of that mushy gushy stuff ever came from Anya.

“So are you gonna stay here and sleep in your cold lonely bed, or go to Clarke’s and make it right?” 

Lexa gripped the ends of her bed until her knuckles turned white. Clarke was special. She wasn’t Costia. She wouldn’t hurt her and throw her down into her own grave of self esteem. Lexa loved Clarke and she wasn’t about to lose her sun just because she felt like a splinter. The moon always becomes whole again from the view of the ground, and god dammit she wouldn’t let herself screw it all up. 

Lexa stood and slipped on her converse ignoring the cocky words flying out of Anya’s mouth. She was going to show Clarke she wasn’t afraid. That things could be okay. That she wouldn’t let anything tear them apart. Not the drunk woman that smooched Clarke, not the earth nor the infinite space, and most definitely not Costia. Lexa pulled on her coat over her dress and ran out the door. She could hear Anya’s faint voice yell, “Go get her, Woods!” 

Clarke was cleaning Raven and Octavia’s dishes while everyone else was back at the club drinking the night away, while Lexa was probably fighting an unwinnable battle. Clarke couldn’t get herself to stop thinking about the sight of Lexa so shaken up and panicked. It killed her. All she wanted to do was comfort her and let her know she was there. That she would never ever leave no matter what lurked in Lexa’s past. Since Clarke had gotten home, she had scrubbed her lips free of the feel of bleach blonde’s lipstick, changed into some of Lexa’s pajamas, lit her room up with some candles and turned on a playlist of various indie songs. She wanted to feel at ease for Lexa. She wanted to stop peeling away her calm and hide away the anxiety. 

The apartment was dark save for the slight flickering of light the candles produced from Clarke’s bedroom. The indie music caressed the walls and made Clarke’s heart beat a little calmer. She kept telling herself Lexa would be fine. She would be okay. She would come over tomorrow morning and possibly explain. And hell, she didn’t have to explain anything at all if she wasn’t ready for it. She just wanted to hold Lexa and take her away from whatever harsh past was trapping her. More than anything in the world, she wanted Lexa to know she was loved. She was so damn loved.

A hard knock on the door made Clarke jump, and a glass plate slipped from her hand and shattered once it hit the linoleum floor. Cursing up a storm under her breath, she strode to the door, ready to yell at Raven or Octavia for forgetting their key and being drunk idiots. But when she swung the door open, Lexa stood there in her dress with a thin coat barely protecting her from the cold. Clarke stepped aside, allowing Lexa to step into the warm, dark apartment. The door closed softly and Clarke turned the lock, hearing the click faintly over the soft music still playing.

Clarke turned to Lexa and so desperately wanted to reach out and touch her. Instead she folded her arms over her chest and waited for Lexa to say something. Lexa worried her lip between her teeth and stared at Clarke. She looked so patient there. So willing to listen. But god, Lexa couldn’t talk right then. She didn’t want to. She wanted more than anything to show Clarke that she wasn’t running away. That she knew Clarke wouldn’t hurt her. 

Lexa hesitantly placed her chilled hands against Clarke’s warm cheeks. Clarke’s eyes slipped closed as Lexa slowly leaned in and touched her lips to Clarke’s. Clarke unfolded her arms and wrapped them around Lexa, pulling her closer. Lexa sighed and fell into Clarke, pushing her against the wall, nearly knocking over a plant that sat next to the recliner. Clarke pushed Lexa’s coat off of her shoulders, then slid her hands to the back of her neck as she moved her lips against Lexa’s in wanton. Lexa ran her tongue over Clarke’s lips and Clarke opened her mouth greedily. Clarke was enveloped with Lexa. Their tongues slid against one another as their lips pressed softly together. Lexa’s hands snaked under Clarke’s shirt, lifting it up as her hands travelled upwards. She lifted her arms up and allowed Lexa to slip the offending material up and over her head. Lexa palmed Clarke’s bum and lifted her up. Clarke wrapped her legs around Lexa’s waist and continued to passionately kiss her lover. 

The music played, the candles flickered. Lexa pushed into Clarke’s room and pulled her lips from Clarke’s to glance around at the candles. Lexa smirked and looked at the beautiful blonde in her arms.

“Did you know I’d come around?” Lexa asked smugly before planting kisses all over Clarke’s neck. Clarke tangled her fingers into Lexa’s long brown hair and lightly scratched her nails over Lexa’s scalp soothingly.

“Mmm maybe I had a feeling,” Clarke sighed as she tried, and miserably failed, to control her breathing. 

Lexa softly dropped Clarke onto the bed, where she bounced slightly. Clarke looked up at her. Desire, lust and love all apparent in her eyes. Lexa wanted to devour her, yet savor her like she was a dessert from a highly expensive fancy restaurant. Clarke lifted her back slightly and folded her arms under it, fumbling with the clasp of her bra. When it unclipped, she shrugged it from her arms and threw it across the room where it landed on the edge of her paint easel. Lexa bit her lip at the sight before her. Clarke was like a greek goddess. Sculpted so perfectly from the inside out. She couldn’t quite believe she had found her. That she belonged to her. She felt like the luckiest woman to ever step foot on earth. 

Without breaking contact with Clarke, Lexa reached behind her and unzipped her dress. The hiss of the zipper bounced off the walls and put the music playing from the dining room softly to shame. Shrugging the straps from her shoulders, she slid the dress down her torso and over her thighs where it then pooled around at her feet on the floor. Her bare chest stood against the flickering walls in a perfect shadow and Clarke couldn’t help but think how beautiful it would be to paint.  
Lexa leaned down onto Clarke, resting her weight on her arms on both sides of Clarke’s. Clarke’s hair fanned out in long blonde painted strands against the black sheets, and her intense blue eyes were half lidded, as she searched Lexa. Lexa kissed Clarke’s cheek and Lexa let her chest lay on Clarke’s. Their breathing quickened as their breasts pushed against each other. They were so close they could feel each other’s heart beats. Lexa slowly yet softly pressed her lips to Clarke’s in a chaste kiss.

“I am so in love with you, Clarke Griffin.” Lexa whispered in Clarke’s ear. The world erupted in warmth and fireworks. Sparks of intense desire and resurrection. Clarke ran the pads of her fingers over Lexa’s back softly and let the lovely feeling spread throughout her chest and into her tummy where a fire blazed in the pit of her stomach. 

“I love you,” Clarke replied. 

Lexa kissed her way down Clarke’s neck slowly. Each kiss telling her just how much she meant to her. Just how much she loved and adored her. That she would care for her and love her until all time fades and everyone goes blind. She stopped at Clarke’s collarbone and sucked large red marks into her porcelain skin. Clarke’s chest heaved and her mind fogged up. Nothing could get her out of this moment. Not Octavia and Raven barging in to drunkenly argue. Not their own limitations, not even the world ending just outside the window. Nothing. The whole world faded around them. Blurred like a clumsy photograph. All they could focus on was each other and how much they wanted this. How heavy their hearts were and how uncontrollable their hips were. 

Lexa’s lips hovered over Clarke’s right breast. She blew lightly on Clarke’s hardening nipple, then took the bud into her mouth. Clarke moaned and tangled her fingers into Lexa’s hair once again, holding her there. Lexa swirled her tongue around the hardened peak and palmed her other breast, squeezing it softly. Clarke’s hips gyrated into Lexa’s unconsciously, and Lexa let go of the nipple with a pop. 

Lexa kissed a trail down Clarke’s tummy and placed a large hickey right above the waistband of Clarke’s pajamas. Clarke’s whimpers and pleads only made Lexa’s limbs turn to hot jelly, and the fire in her tummy roar harder. She rubbed her thighs together to get at least some friction. Then she hooked her fingers into the waistband of Clarke’s bottoms, then slowly glided them down her legs, taking her precious time only to make Clarke even more turned on. Next was Clarke’s lacy black panties. Lexa’s face hovered over Clarke’s most private and most aching place, as she locked eyes with Clarke. Clarke nodded and moaned at the sight before her. Lexa gripped the tips of Clarke’s underwear and slowly slid them down Clarke’s legs. Clarke’s arousal filled the room in a whisper and Lexa groaned. She settled herself between Clarke’s thighs and examined her glistening folds. She ran a finger over them, and Clarke threw her head back and moaned. Lexa rubbed Clarke’s clit in tight circles and Clarke squirmed as the pleasure rolled over her. 

Clarke’s whole body was aflame. She had never felt this way with any of the other men or women she had slept with. She knew it was because Lexa was different. She knew it from day one. Clarke’s legs began to shake and then the pressure on her throbbing bundle of nerves was gone and she whimpered in protest. She was about to complain when suddenly Lexa’s mouth was on her. Clarke groaned and crumpled the sheets of the bed in her fists. Lexa gripped Clarke’s thighs and pressed her hand against her naval to stop her hips from jutting up. The noises coming from Clarke fueled her and she moved her tongue expertly over Clarke’s throbbing bud. When Clarke’s moans started to become louder, Lexa slowed down. She looked up at Clarke’s chest, breasts heaving as she fought to control her breath. 

Lexa swept her middle finger over Clarke’s entrance and groaned at how wet she was. The groan sent vibrations through Clarke’s sensitive clit, and made her stomach drop. Lexa inserted a finger slowly into Clarke, and curled it up, hitting that one spot that made Clarke see stars. She added another finger, and sped up her motions. She knew Clarke was close as her walls clenched around Lexa’s fingers. Lexa sped up even more. Clarke’s back arched and her head was thrown back into the pillow as a symphony of moans and gasps escaped her. Clarke was in the sky somewhere with the fireworks. She was floating, and sparking and glowing. Her legs shook and her toes curled as the pleasure spanned out through her whole body starting from her center. Lexa had never seen anything more beautiful and exotic in her life. 

When Clarke recovered from her orgasm, Lexa kissed her way up her body then connected their lips. Clarke could taste herself on Lexa’s tongue and she couldn’t help but want to get worked up all over again. Clarke pushed Lexa’s panties down her legs and Lexa kicked them off haphazardly. Clarke pressed her hand against Lexa’s lower back and pushed her down onto her bare thigh. They moaned in unison as Lexa’s sensitive parts rubbed against Clarke’s thigh. Clarke marveled in the feel of Lexa’s slickness gliding against her skin. Lexa rested her forehead against Clarke’s shoulder and gasped. The feelings roamed through her chest and made home there. Her cheeks burned and the pleasure thumped between her legs. 

Lexa readjusted her position so now her thigh was pressed against Clarke’s center too. Clarke started to move her hips against Lexa’s thigh, and Lexa copied her. The friction was delicious and Clarke gripped Lexa’s back and pulled her against her harder as they both moved their hips, picking up speed. Lexa’s breathing became labored and her hips started to stutter.

“Let go, Lex,” Clarke whispered. “I’ve got you. Come for me, Lexa.” And Clarke’s husky words coiled themselves around Lexa’s spine, and Lexa’s hips sputtered and shook as her orgasm took over her body. Lexa’s shaking thighs made Clarke spiral down into her own explosion of pleasure, and they laid there gripping one another, shaking and moaning into oblivion. The smell of sex, candles, and lemons filled the air and as Lexa collapsed onto Clarke’s chest and Clarke traced patterns over Lexa’s back, she realized she was home, and she couldn’t even remember the sound of Costia’s voice anymore. 

They fell asleep and woke at 2 in the morning when Raven stumbled through the apartment and slammed the front door so loud that the old lady’s cat from next door was definitely woken up. Lexa planted a kiss on the valley in between Clarke’s breasts and yawned. 

“Do you think she brought someone home with her?” Clarke asked.

“Listen.” 

The sound of body colliding with table and giggles echoed throughout the apartment. Then a man’s laugh joined the noise and Lexa and Clarke looked at each other and nodded. Then another door slammed and more giggles. 

“Her room is right next to ours,” Clarke sighed and kissed Lexa on the forehead. 

They decided to get dressed in pajamas and walk into the living room and cuddle on the couch to watch Impractical Jokers. The indie playlist that was previously playing during Clarke and Lexa’s love making session had ended when they were asleep, and thankfully the tv was loud enough to mask the noise booming from Raven’s room. 

Lexa snuggled into Clarke and watched the four men compete to embarrass each other on the flatscreen. Clarke was warm, like a living heater. Lexa hummed joyfully and buried her face in Clarke’s chest. She knew she had to talk about what happened earlier that night. She looked up and saw Clarke’s eyes start to flutter closed. Lexa grabbed her hand and kissed it. 

“About tonight,” Lexa started, caressing Clarke’s knuckles.

“Was it not good?” Clarke muttered tiredly. 

“No, not that. That was amazing.”

“You mean outside the club?” Clarke rubbed Lexa’s back softly making the fabric spread heat like striking a match.

“Yes. That.”

“What about it?” 

Lexa sighed and let Clarke wiggle down so Lexa could be the big spoon. She started to kiss Lexa’s marked neck to give her reassurance. Lexa hummed and placed a kiss against Clarke’s wrist. 

“You remember when I told you a little bit about Costia?” Lexa asked, surprisingly relaxed. 

“Mhm.” 

“She was my first love.” 

The huge knot in her chest had loosened some when Clarke slid her arm around Lexa and pulled her closer. She could do this. 

“I loved her more than I had ever loved anyone before. She knew every single part of me. Every scar, every birthmark, every ounce of pain in my heart, and all of my memories. She knew everything that happened with my parents and my little brother. She knew everything there is to know about me and that’s a scary thing to trust someone with isn’t it?” Lexa shook her head trying not to let her voice waver. 

“I was going through a hard time in life before I met her. I wasn’t really living in a sense. I could breathe, I could walk, I could get things done but I couldn’t really feel anything nor could I speak. She pulled me out of it and I guess because of that, she meant much more to me than I would’ve ever thought.” Clarke listened to Lexa explain her painful past with a heavy heart. She knew Lexa was fragile. She knew she had everything to love and so much to give yet she felt so guilty getting anything back. She felt she didn’t deserve it. Clarke kissed Lexa’s shoulder and listened on

“We were together for over a year. Then she couldn’t really handle the exhaustion of my mental pain. Losing my parents squeezed every drop of life out of me and I guess she just didn’t know what to do anymore. She went out drinking with her friends a lot more and some nights she wouldn’t come home. I guess you could call it a home. She would say she was at her friends. That she was too smashed to get back. I figured out she was sleeping with this girl she got regular lap dances with at her favorite club.” Lexa flinched and Clarke pressed her closer.

“She told me she used to like me a lot. But then over time she couldn’t stand me any longer and that Ella made her feel more alive. That I ruined us for putting a black cloud over us constantly. I never meant to. I was happy when I was with her most of the time but I guess it just didn’t seem that way. She told me I was worth nothing. After she left, she would occasionally send me pictures of her with her new girlfriend bragging about how happy she was. She would ask if I ruined another girl’s life yet.” 

Lexa shivered and tried to stop the reflex of shaking that came upon her whenever she talked about her and Costia. She couldn’t help it. It was as natural as a heart pumping blood, or for eyes to blink, and lungs to inhale and exhale oxygen. She knew she was over it. But it still affected her. It was just one of the many scars that were apart of her and would never go away. 

“I’m okay now. I don’t really know why I had an anxiety attack when I saw that girl kiss you. I know it wasn’t you who did it. I watched you try to break away from her. But I just panicked and a ton of things came rushing back to me. I havent opened up to anyone since Costia. Then you came along and made me feel like I could. I guess I was just scared to bare myself again because I didn’t want to do what I did to Costia to you.” 

Clarke lifted her head and looked at Lexa incredulously. Clarke took Lexa’s cheeks in her hands and kissed her hard. When they broke apart, Clarke pressed Lexa’s hand to her heart, and then Clarke pressed hers to Lexa’s. 

“Do you feel this?” Clarke whispered.

Lexa nodded.

“You make my heart flutter. Even after over a year of knowing you, you make my heart do this.” Under Lexa’s palm, Clarke’s heart thumped hard and fast. Lexa’s matched the pace of hers, and she closed her eyes to focus on it. 

“You did nothing wrong, Lexa. She wasn’t there for you when you needed her. Relationships aren’t only good times. There’s bad times too. She cheated on you and then made you think you were at fault for it and that’s the ugliest thing a person can do to someone they claimed to have loved.” 

Lexa nodded at Clarke’s words and felt a blanket of calm wrap around her. 

“I will be here for you through your bad times and your good times, Lexa. Because that’s what people do when they love each other. I love you. All of you. Don’t run from us just because she haunts you. She no longer has that power over you. I am right here okay? And I will not leave you when things get too hard. You’re so important. And you are more than worthy. Don’t let that bitch stay under your skin. Dig her out. She doesn’t belong there. She doesn’t deserve it.” 

Lexa opened her eyes and looked at Clarke. Clarke’s eyebrows raised up and her face was was twisted in a grimace. Lexa looked at her sun and realized she was the luckiest moon ever to exist. She leaned in and pecked Clarke on the lips. 

“I guess we can start by getting my tattoo removed,” Lexa smiled and was rewarded with Clarke’s toothy grin. “I love you, Clarke.” 

“I love you too, Lexa. So much.” 

They laid down together and curled up into one another ready for sleep to take over them. 

“We’ll get that tattoo removed next week, I’ll set up an appointment.” Clarke mumbled through her fatigue.

Lexa chuckled and let the smell of Clarke’s perfume and the sound of the four men’s laughter on the television screen lull her to dreamless, relaxing sleep.


	8. Van Gogh Blood and Clés

The theme was creepy greek gods and goddesses. Clarke had been working at the Dims Gallery for about 5 months and she was loving every single second of it. Aside dealing with snobby customers and misplacing some of the art pieces, she was doing just fine. College had ended, she and Lexa both getting out of it with momentum to start their lives. Lexa worked at home on her computer typing away a story she was still convinced was ‘dry and unsavvy’. But she was mostly at Clarke’s bickering with Octavia and being the audience to Raven’s slideshow of men or women she could possibly date. She was more than okay with it because it was easier to blame her procrastination on her friends than her own jittery mind.

Lexa always sat cross legged on the sofa with her laptop perched warmly on her lap. She tapped her fingers lightly over the letter keys and closed her eyes. She tried to shake the brain brick out of her head, but it wouldn’t work. She got writers block very often no matter how ambitious or driven she was. Yet Clarke constantly reassured her she could do it. So, with a hard head and a determined mind, Lexa willed herself to sit at her desk in the corner of the living room and plan out what happened next in her story. 

Octavia had moved in with Lincoln three months previously and Raven was never home since she was working hard at the mechanic shop or walking away from one night stands in the harsh hours of the morning with her dress bunched up and torn, and her heels clicking on the pavement as she walked shamelessly away from whoevers home she had slept in the previous night. Despite the lack of a real relationship in her life, Raven was blissfully happy. And on the days she did come back to the apartment, Lexa was always sitting at her desk typing away at the computer, or throwing wads of crumpled paper into the trash bin, and completely missing, joining the others in a pile on the floor. 

Raven always brought up the fact that Lexa should just move in since she was practically there every day. But whenever she spoke of it, Clarke gave her the death stare that anyone could drop dead from, and Lexa would nervously laugh and retreat to the comforts of her insane and hectic writer’s mind at her messy desk. Raven knew it had to happen eventually. Maybe she would even move out sometime to give them the space they needed. But she wanted to annoy them for as long as she could. The joys of being close friends and family with Raven Reyes.

Clarke excitedly fumbled for her keys and pushed them into the lock, twisting them frantically to open the front door. When she stepped inside, the usual image of Lexa with frizzy curls contained in a sloppy ponytail typing and scribbling things into her notepad at her desk welcomed her. Then she stepped further in and caught the sight of a wild Raven laying comfortably on the brown recliner she and Octavia shared, legs spread wide open, a foot dangling off the armrest and a soda stain on her hoodie. She snoozed comfortably with a small cheeto stuck to her lip. Clarke grimaced and plucked the crisp from her lip, earning a hazy snooze from the petite brunette. Clarke flicked it into the cheetos bag resting in Raven’s lap then reached for the remote, turning off the game show on the tv that lacked any sort of enjoyment or entertainment. Lexa’s head shot up from her writing and she smiled at Clarke, her cheeks a tint of pink. 

“What time is it?” Lexa asked and pushed her glasses up from where they slipped down to the end of her nose. 

“Eight-thirty.” Clarke replied, setting the bag she had been holding onto the couch. 

“You’re home early.”

“Echo came in 30 minutes before her shift. She said I could go if I brought her some burgers for lunch tomorrow.” 

Lexa smiled at her girlfriend. It was nice having her home. Looking at the screen that held too many words to process in that moment of her leaky brain, she figured she could continue tomorrow and spend the rest of her night with Clarke. Making sure everything was saved, Lexa shut her laptop and turned to see Clarke pulling something out of the small white box she brought. 

“It’s nice,” Lexa smiled. “Having you home.” 

Clarke beamed at Lexa and pulled her creation out of the box. She gazed down at the ceramic green turtle bowl she had spent all day making. It wasn’t hard, not at all. In fact, she was planning on making something for Lexa for a long time now that hadn’t just involved paint and a canvas. Clarke held it out to Lexa, her heart swelling with affection once Lexa’s eyes lit up. Lexa stood up and gingerly grabbed the tiny turtle bowl from Clarke’s warm hands. The turtle had a smile on its face and on the bottom of its belly was engraved ‘C+L 4eva’. Lexa couldn’t help the laugh bubbling in her chest. 

“Clarke, It’s perfect,” Lexa admired and stared into Clarke’s eyes. “I love it.”

“It can hold your pens or your earrings, or your little note cards.”

Lexa sat the well-crafted turtle onto her desk and wrapped her arms around Clarke’s neck. She pressed her lips to Clarke’s and kissed her with every bit of adoration and affection that was boiling in her chest, and spilling from her lips onto Clarke’s. Clarke ran her hands over Lexa’s back and hummed as the kiss slowly ended. Lexa rested her forehead against Clarke’s and held her close. She inhaled Clarke’s perfume and let herself drown in the very fact that she was so in love it could kill her so deliciously. Everything about Clarke soothed every inch of her and made her spark up at the same time. Clarke, her Clarke, was a rose that bled security and paint droplets made of her own loyalty and love. And Lexa was vividly aware that she would never, could never feel at ease with anyone anywhere else on this planet or beyond. 

“Did that stinker get in the way of your talented, strict writing regimen?” Clarke referred to the snoring Raven. 

“Surprisingly no,” Lexa shook her head and pulled the hair tie out of Clarke’s hair, freeing her blonde tresses. “She actually gave me some ideas on my character development. The tv wasn’t too loud either. You know I can block things out easily.” 

“Oh that’s a fact. You block me out when I ask you to give back the blankets every time you steal them from me,” Clarke kissed Lexa’s jaw. 

“You can’t blame me on that one. I am asleep. When I am asleep, I do not exist except for in the realm of my dreams where I command an army of warriors.”

Clarke laughed at the cute indignation in Lexa’s voice and ran her hands over Lexa’s bum. Biting her lip, she pressed her lips awfully close to Lexa’s ear and whispered,

“Do you ever dream of me?”

She knew the answer to that question, Lexa was a sleep talker and very vivid with what she wanted in her hazy sleep filled requests for Clarke to straddle her at 2am when she surrounded by nothing but sleep. But Clarke couldn’t help but loving the affect she had on her girlfriend. 

“I do,” Lexa said breathily as her cheeks tinted an even more pink. 

“And what are we doing in those dreams?” Clarke’s voice had dropped low and the husk in it was apparent and was making Lexa’s legs wobble and her heart race. 

“You’re a leader to a clan of people that come from a place under the sea,” Lexa mustered as Clarke kissed and licked at her collarbone. 

“Oh, am I a mermaid?”

“You know mermaids freak me out, Clarke.”

“Do I still smell good or do I smell like seaweed and fish?” Clarke grinned up at Lexa from her place kissing at Lexa’s sternum. Lexa rolled her eyes, and massaged the back of Clarke’s scalp. 

“You smell divine. But that isn’t the point.” 

“Mmm,” Clarke agreed and mouthed at the last patch of skin above Lexa’s breast before her shirt cut her off. 

“I rule a community of people that live in large trees,” Lexa continued. “We are allienced. But we are not the same. You are a healer, and I always end up coming to you after my battles. I am always so bruised and cut up and you’re always wearing this dress made of white silk and angel tears. Every single time after you heal me, you kiss me in a new place.” 

Clarke stopped her ministrations on Lexa’s chest and looked up at her. Clarke’s eyes were blown and Lexa knew she had her hooked. 

“Oh yeah?” Clarke asked and continued to lick and nip at the sensitive skin of Lexa’s neck, making it hard for Lexa to retain her calm breathing. 

“Mhm, and you know what happened last night?”

“Hmm?”

“You kissed me where you haven’t in weeks.” 

Clarke’s eyes flew open and her mouth began to water. Lexa smiled smugly at her lover and grabbed Clarke’s hand pressing it to the place that now throbbed for many kisses and other things they had missed out on, on account of busy work schedules, fatigue and menstruation. Clarke groaned and surged forward, smashing her lips against Lexa’s hungrily. Lexa reciprocated by sliding her tongue against Clarke’s in a battle of one’s affection. The air was clipped with Raven’s moan of disgust. 

“For fuck’s sake you two. You have a room, use it!” Then a pillow was thumped against Clarke and Lexa’s bodies hard. 

They untangled from one another and walked to Clarke’s bedroom where they mumbled things about Raven also having a room and that they were going to kill her for picking this one night to be home. When Lexa and Clarke disappeared behind Clarke’s bedroom door, Raven rolled her eyes, sat back, switched the tv on and stuffed a handful of cheetos in her mouth, one being more moist than the others. She figured it just contained more flavoring without giving the thought that it was coated with her drool. The tv raged on and Raven watched until she finally dozed off once again with another small crisp hanging from her open mouth. 

 

////

 

‘A soul mate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality’

Clarke looked at the painting in the cafe and wondered where on earth Murphy could have gotten such a piece with words like those. The words ran in a cloudy purple sky in a cursive font of white and streamed into mountains in the background. A large road with cracks and potholes was painted elegantly with a swarm of trees beside it. It was a beautiful piece and defied color in a surreal and intriguing way. 

The words made a home in Clarke’s chest where her love for Lexa stayed. Lexa was her soulmate in every sense of the word. And if Clarke was honest with herself, it scared her to ever think she could ever lose Lexa. Life had dirt and blood on its hands just as it had honey and glitter under its fingernails. Sweet, awful twists and turns that came from the cusp of its tongue and changed everything forever. Life was untouchable in many ways, but to live it to the fullest was never a sweeter salt to Clarke. Pessimist wasn’t what she was. She was observant and knew that things happened without anyones control at times. But god forbid life tries to take away Lexa. The earth would spit its people into space and fire would claim the lands. Control or not, Lexa would always be someone Clarke would fight for. She would fight over and over for her. Even if she lost every single time. And that’s how she knows Lexa is her soulmate. 

“That barista dude has a damn stick up his ass,” Raven scoffed and plopped herself next to Clarke after setting the two coffees down onto the table in front of them. 

“Ah, yes,” Clarke nodded. “Caspian has a way with people doesn’t he?” 

“But his nametag said Mur-”

“Anyway,” Clarke shook her head refusing to debate Murphy’s name. She wouldn’t understand as Lexa would. “I wanted to tell you something.” 

Raven shrugged her shoulders and leaned back into the couch nonchalantly. 

“My ears are open, Griffin.” 

“Right.” Clarke twiddled her thumbs nervously in her lap. She couldn’t understand why she was so nervous to tell Raven. Maybe she just didn’t want to pressure her best friend into thinking she had to move out right away. That, or Raven will get into competition mode and ask Clarke if she had already told Octavia. It was going to be one of those two, Clarke knew. 

“At the gallery’s opening night, I’m going to ask Lexa to move in.” 

Clarke heaved out a breathe she had no idea she was keeping in, and finally locked eyes with Raven. Raven looked unimpressed. Then she started to laugh like a maniac. People sitting at the bar and by the fireplace turned to see the cackling Raven doubled up over herself with pink cheeks and tears nearly streaming from her chocolate eyes. 

Clarke stared at her in bewilderment and smiled apologetically to the people being interrupted by the howls bellowing from Raven’s tummy. 

“I called it!,” Raven cheered. “I fuckin called it!” 

“Come on now, Reyes,” Clarke sighed.

“She practically lives there already, Clarke. She goes home like one to two days a week. I knew it would happen sometime.” Raven rubbed hard at Clarke’s back.

“I just wanted to tell you so you knew.” 

“I love Lexa. She’s the best strict, athletic hard ass I know. I’m just glad you’re happy, Griff. Beyond words.” 

The lighthearted and soft words coming from Raven made Clarke gush. Raven didn’t speak her love for her friends often (Unless it was Anya) But when she did, she was like a poet on a cold night with a cheese moon in the dark sky peppered with stars. Clarke smiled at her best friend and she then too, leaned back into the couch. 

“So,” Raven spoke as soon as everyone’s attention was elsewhere. “Did you tell O yet?”

“I knew you’d say that,” Clarke groaned. 

“What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?”

“A good kind. And no, I didn’t.” 

Raven playfully punched Clarke’s arm and sipped her tea, cursing when the hot liquid burned her tongue. 

“Do you think she’ll say yes?” Clarke asked and bit into her scone after carefully observing it for any unwanted Murphy/Caspian spit. 

“Are you kidding?” Raven chuckled. “That’s the only answer you’ll get. That woman loves you. If love has ever been completely visible to me, it’s the love I see between the two of you.” 

Clarke gawked at Raven and let out a large awwwwww. Raven waved her away and grumbled. 

“Look at Raven Reyes being a sap.” Clarke put her arm around Raven’s shoulder and nudged her close.

“Yeah well it’s kinda hard to shun you lovesick puppies.” 

“You know you love it anyway.

“Yeah.” Raven smiled. “I sorta do.” 

 

////////////////////////////////////////////

 

Dims was filled with people in formal attire, drinks in almost everyone’s hand and a classical music rained down on everyone soothingly from the speakers. Lexa didn’t see herself in such a classy setting. It wasn’t her. She was messy and when she drank her champagne, she drank it with orange juice. She didn’t speak of art surely as the people filling the space of the building did. But she knew one thing was for sure, she could talk about the art of Clarke all night long. She promised she would keep it to a minimum if any conversations came up, but she really wish she didn’t have to. Lexa stood in the corner by a pillar and a sculpture of Zeus bleeding blue from empty eye sockets down a marbled chest, and purple tentacles forming just below the belly button. Now that Lexa could admire. 

Just across the way, Clarke stood in a perfect white dress with her hair in a perfect bun speaking to a group of women. Whatever one of them said made Clarke laugh and Lexa’s heart etched itself into her face and she was smiling like a giddy idiot. She was a giddy idiot. She would admit it without shame because whenever she looked into Clarke’s eyes, the whole world vanished around her and she was some place untouchable. Some place keen and fuzzy and warm. A giddy, lovely place of blue. 

Clarke locked eyes with Lexa’s deep green ones from across the room, and her blue eyes glinted. A small smile tugged at the end of Clarke’s pink lips and threatened to reveal her attention was elsewhere from Mrs.Higgins’ admiration of the dark Medusa painting in the form of the Black Dahlia when her body was found. Lexa grinned at Clarke, rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over chest. Clarke mouthed soon to her and Lexa nodded stubbornly. The night had been going slowly, and probably more slow than it originally would have been had Clarke not told Lexa she had some surprises for her when everyone left. Lexa didn’t love surprises, but she didn’t particularly hate them either. It gave Clarke thrills whenever she surprised Lexa. And whatever the outcome was, they would both be happy. So, Lexa would wait out the boring night with art snobs and myth geeks just for Clarke. When she thought about, there wasn’t really anything Lexa wouldn’t do for Clarke. As Clarke kept stealing glances to her, she confirmed there truly was no greater person than Clarke Griffin. 

The night carried on, and when all of her and Clarke’s friends arrived, Lexa was relieved and worrisome at the same time. The boys and Raven promised to be on their best behavior and not cause havoc or damage any art pieces, or tell grotesque stories of Clarke’s home life. But a promise only went so far with two game nerds, a cocky frat boy and a loud, boisterous Raven. Octavia and Lincoln were the only two Lexa was certain would keep their cool. 

“Yo T-Lex!” Jasper greeted Lexa with a fist bump. “Still haven’t died of boredom yet?” 

Lexa glared at her friend. 

“A storm trooper shirt and an open black button down was what came to your mind when we asked you to dress semi fancy?” Lexa tugged at Jasper’s shirt. 

“It was either this, or a white button down with a large jelly stain. I thought you’d appreciate this more.” 

Monty led the rest of the group toward Lexa and smiled warmly at Lexa. Lexa sighed in relief seeing as the rest of her friends wore the wanted fancy attire. Lincoln had his arm around Octavia and she leaned her head on his chest with a content smile on her face. Lexa was always ushered into a feeling of intense joy seeing Lincoln and Octavia together. They made each other better people, and the happiness smoked out of them like perfume. 

“Okay, you two totally just screwed,” Raven pointed to Lincoln and Octavia. Lexa scrunched up her nose at Raven’s up front words. Leave it to Reyes to ruined a somewhat serious moment. Octavia looked up at Lincoln and they both shrugged, indicating their friend was right. 

“Can we also talk about our dear friend Monty?” Jasper said and clapped Monty on the back. “He finally got laid!” 

Bellamy, Raven and Octavia joined Jasper in a loud cheer as they congratulated the blushing, shy man. Attention swiveled to them and Lexa cleared her throat, annoyed. The group apologized. Jasper stuffed his hands into his pockets and searched around, ignoring some pairs of eyes still set on them. 

“So where’s Clarke?” Bellamy asked. 

“She’s mingling with people,” Raven answered for Lexa. “Bet you’re eager for that surprise aren’t you, Lex?”

“Surprise? What surprise?” Octavia looked at Raven, her eyes boring into the back of her head. Raven pursed her lips and scolded herself for spilling the beans. 

“I’ll tell you later, O. Lexa still doesn’t know what it is.” 

Lexa rolled her eyes and searched the room for Clarke but she was nowhere to be found. Instead of tuning into the conversation her friends were diving into about Picasso and Van Gogh making an art baby, she let herself wonder what it could possibly be that Clarke was going to surprise her with. And why did Raven know but not Octavia? 

“I’m telling you they would’ve made a cool kid!” Jasper exclaimed. 

“Jas,” Lincoln laughed. “I doubt the baby would be born with paint under its skin.”

The sight of Clarke’s blonde hair made Lexa snap back to reality, and seeing that pearly white smile made her think that Clarke might have been born with paint flowing through her veins, pumping from her pallette of a heart. No piece of art in that room could ever compare to the beauty of her Clarke. 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

The night dragged on, Jasper took selfies picking the sculpture’s nose for his instagram, Lexa talked about art with people she would never see again. It went on until it couldn’t go on any longer and the even was over. People started to bid their goodbyes and exited the building. Their group of friends were the last to leave. Octavia shot Clarke a dirty look before walking to Lincoln’s truck and Raven shrugged her shoulders guiltily, jumping into Bellamy’s car with Jasper and Monty. Lexa thought Raven must have told Octavia the big surprise, and Octavia was mad Clarke hadn’t told her. Lexa chuckled at the brewing drama and stood in front of Clarke watching their friends drive away. 

Clarke locked the doors to Dims and dropped the keys into her purse where she then dug for something else in the bottomless pit of receipts and mini art journals, clattering small sticks of charcoal and colored pencils. Lexa stared at the blonde with a crease in her brow as she tried to desperately find what she was looking for. Lexa wanted to reach out and kiss the distress out of Clarke’s features and hold her in the unsteady weather. But Clarke pulled her fist out of the purse with a look of victory on her bright face. Lexa smirked and waited patiently for the big surprise. 

The huge sigh coming out of Clarke let Lexa knew she was nervous. She so badly wanted to soothe her, so she reached her hand out and interlaced her fingers with Clarke’s. Clarke’s shoulders dropped at the motion, along with the worry and uneasiness. Lexa, her Lexa was standing before her. And she loved her. Time doesn’t stop for everyone. 

“Lexa,” Clarke started in a husky voice. “I love waking up to the smell of the breakfast you make for me, and I love wearing your shirts. I love coming home and seeing you working your creative brain silly at your desk. I love falling asleep in your arms. And god, Lexa I love you.”

Lexa’s heart felt as if it were dripping. Droplets of emotion dropping into the depths of her body at Clarke’s words. The anticipation was wearing thin, and the moon’s reflection in Clarke’s blue eyes made her hands sweat. Clarke was her everything. And if she was about to lose her, she didn’t think she could take it. Not without spending months in bed. Her skin was jumping. Clarke squeezed her hand. 

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, I love all of those things so much, and you’re basically there almost every day anyway. So Lexa, will you move in with me?” 

Like a rock shattering a window, Lexa’s heart exploded in warm relief, her chest was an oven. Words. Words formed everywhere in Lexa’s life. They saved her in her most desperate of times, and made her world have clarity. But right then, words failed to escape her. The fear in Clarke’s eyes became apparent and Lexa started to slowly panic. Once Clarke begin to shake her head at the response of silence, Lexa grabbed both of her warm cheeks, and kissed her hard. Electricity started from their connected lips, and branched it’s way all throughout their bodies in tingles and leaps. 

When they parted, they breathed heavily and rested their foreheads together, holding one another close outside Dims in the cold wearing their thin dresses. 

“Is that a yes?” Clarke breathed out. 

“Yes.”

Clarke held out the key that rested in her sweaty palm, and Lexa gradually took it. They smiled at each other as if they both slept with coat hangers in their mouths. To feel so mutually about a person on both ends is like a dream everyone has at least once in their lives. And it was always so foggy and maybe even forgotten when morning came. But what Lexa and Clarke had was real. And they weren’t scared of it anymore. 

 

//////////////////// ////////////////////

They sat there setting up Jenga as Clarke told her two best friends about the recent painting she was working on. Octavia glared at Clarke and continued stacking the wooden blocks. 

“Oh come on, O.” Clarke groaned. “You can’t be mad at me forever.”

“Just because I moved in with Lincoln doesn’t mean I can’t be included in these things,” Octavia snapped. “I moved down the road, not to fuckin’ Italy.”

Clarke flinched at the bite in Octavia’s words, and she really did feel bad. For once Raven sat quiet, not wanting to get into the spat. 

“What about this,” Clarke proposed as she stacked the last piece. “If you finally win at Jenga, you forgive me.” 

Octavia scoffed. 

“You always win. You have steady artist hands.”

 

“You never know, O. Just agree. If you win, forgive me?” 

Octavia bit her cheek and nodded. Clarke turned to look at Lexa who was sitting on the couch, legs folded beneath her and sipping her tea. Lexa smirked at her girlfriend, and shook her head. Clarke grinned and turned her attention back to Octavia.

After the tower of blocks was beginning to get too wobbly, Clarke figured it was time to stop trying. She kept up the act well enough, though. When it was her turn, she poked her tongue through her lips and pretended to concentrate wholeheartedly on the block she was steadily pulling from the stack. When the piece was almost pulled out swiftly, the tower crashed to the floor in bits and pieces. Octavia threw her hands up in the air and cheered. Clarke acted defeated and snuck a knowing smile to Lexa. 

“Take that, Griffin! I finally won at Jenga.”

“So I guess we both win, yes?”

Octavia let her arms fall to her sides, and eyed Raven. Raven looked at her with large pleading eyes. Octavia rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“I guess so.”

Then it was Clarke’s turn to cheer. She rushed Octavia into a hug and Octavia smiled warmly. Three weeks was enough torture for her best friend, she thought. When Clarke stood up to get more beer from the kitchen, Raven leaned into Octavia. 

“She let you win,” Raven whispered. 

“Oh, I know. I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters in this fic, guys! It’s so crazy. I didn’t even think I would get this many likes and good feedback. This is my first Clexa fic. My first fanfic in all. Thanks to all of you for enjoying and reading. I hope you like the next two chapters though they might not be as long as the previous ones. Thank you very much again!


	9. Cinnamon Air and Directions

The morning was cold. Not as cold as it had been the last few months and Clarke was almost ready to pull the covers over her head and forget her entire plan. She grumbled as Lexa slid from beneath the covers as quietly as she possibly could. The smooth plains of Lexa’s back smoothed over as her shoulder blades glided underneath tan skin when she slowly and groggily pulled her sports bra over her head. Clarke squinted at her girlfriend and fought back the urge to get up and run her fingers over Lexa’s skin. She had to pretend to still be asleep if the plan was going to work. 

Clarke sneakily eyed Lexa as she got dressed until her eyes began to fall shut once more. She was covered in the hazy fits of sleep yet again until she felt plump lips place a soft kiss to her temple. She smiled wide and grabbed onto Lexa’s pillow as she did every morning when Lexa went out for her runs. Lexa chuckled quietly. When Clarke was alone in their room, she stubbornly sat up and stretched. The cool air hit her skin harshly and she shivered hard. Nothing could get Clarke out of bed so early in the morning. Not work, Raven, or Octavia. Not even food. But Lexa could. And although Clarke’s body begged her to stay under the covers just for a few more minutes, she got up and ready for the day she had been planning for weeks. The painting she had done of Lexa a year ago hung above Lexa’s desk and reminded Clarke of how excited she was to ask Lexa Woods to marry her. Nothing in the world could ever compare to the blood pumping anxiety and the heart wracking joy she felt right in that particular moment. 

“Okay, first things first,” Clarke announced as she stood in the living room. ”We have to take all of these stickies and stick them in the right places.” 

“Are you even sure that she’ll know where to go Clarke?” Raven yawned. 

“She will, ya twat.” Octavia swatted at Raven’s arm. “Lexa probably knows Clarke more than we do.” 

“There’s no way in hell she does. We were her best friends first.” 

“It’s about our relationship, Raven,” Clarke interrupted their arguing. “She’ll know.” 

Clarke wrung her palms together as her arms began to shake. She knew she was nervous, but she had no doubt in Lexa. 

“You nervous?” Octavia looked at her sympathetically. 

Clarke shrugged. “Just a little.”

“She’ll say yes, Griff. She would be an idiot not to,” Raven reassured her. 

“It’ll be okay. We’d better go before she gets back.” 

Raven and Octavia exchanged looks, then followed Clarke out the door. Leaving the apartment as it had been for a year. The home of two girlfriends that lived peacefully together without a worry in the world. Clarke hoped with all of her might that when they came back to the apartment, she would be Lexa’s fiance and Lexa would have a fat diamond ring on her finger. 

 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

“Is living at Anya’s going well?” Clarke asked Raven to ease her own mind. 

“Yes, it actually is. I talked Anya into giving Stitch to you and Lexa if she says yes to you tonight.” 

“When she says yes,” Octavia corrected. 

“Lexa would love that.” Clarke ignored the miswording. 

The silence stretched on comfortably as they parked in the hospital parking lot. It gave Clarke a nostalgic feeling. Her mother had worked here once. And her mother had given birth to her here. The place where her and Octavia became best friends legally, or so Octavia says. Walking through the automatic doors and being kissed with the large gust of hospital air. Talking to the lady behind the desk, Debby. Telling her just what she was up to. Clarke was trying to get it done fast. Lexa would be back from her run any time to come back to the apartment and read her note. Clarke placed the sticky and balloon on the end table beside the bed she was born in, and surely tons of other babies were born in. Debby pulled the curtains open and a pool of sunlight filled the room making Clarke’s blonde hair shine and eyes sparkle. 

“She’s a lucky girl,” Debby smiled purely. “I won’t tell her a word.” 

“Thanks, Debby. Really.” Clarke smiled back. When she turned around, Octavia was laying in the bed she was born in grinning from ear to ear. 

“This remind you a bit of something, Griffin?” Octavia waggled her eyebrows. 

“What? You being a big baby? Yeah, Blake.” 

“Let’s go, asshats,” Raven shook her head. “Hospitals give me the creeps.” 

 

The middle school was still old and small. Memories flooded the three girls as they walked along the back fence near the bushes. Memories of Clarke dumping a douchebag named Finn by the baseball dugout. Memories of Raven kissing two girls behind the bleachers at the football field. Recollections of the three girls drinking Jack Daniels behind the bushes during free time. Clarke never forgot about the lovely innocent times of middle school, and looking back at Raven and Octavia arguing behind her, she was thankful to have had such a fulfilling life so far. Clarke honestly didn’t know where she would be without her two best friends. 

Stopping in front of the red fabric stuck to the fence, Clarke folded the sticky note into it and tied a hard knot around it. 

“I will never forgive you guys for ruining my favorite shirt,” Raven grumbled and folded her arms over her chest. 

“We almost got caught drinking, Raven,” Octavia rolled her eyes. “It was either escape and tear your shirt, or get grounded and expelled.” 

“Still, I got that from the concert. Kurt Cobain held it in his own two hands.” 

“Isn’t it strange to think how fast our young days went by?” Clarke spoke nostalgically. “We always had such a good time. So many memories. And now we’re here again as adults. It’s just so strange. I’m so glad I entered adulthood with you guys.” 

The three girls stared at each other teary eyed forcing back the sappy emotions.

“Okay, it’s a sappy affectionate day isn’t it?” Raven put her arms around both Clarke and Octavia’s shoulders and walked them down the gravelly road. “Let’s not completely fall apart before the real big event happens.” 

The girls laughed and walked back to Octavia’s car. 

“Where to next?” Octavia asked and shoved her keys into the ignition.

“Polis University.” 

 

///////////////////////////

 

“I can’t believe your professors were so cool about that.” Raven shook her head. 

“Professor Kane loved us. We were his most hard working students,” Clarke bragged. 

“Yeah because you and Lexa were suck ups,” Octavia laughed. 

“We were not. We just work extremely well and even moreso together.” 

“Yeah we know that already. We got every loud detail when we all used to live at the apartment.” 

“Shut up, O. You’re no worse than I am. Whenever you all invite us over for dinner, you and Lincoln fuck like five minutes before we all arrive.” Clarke sassed. 

Octavia’s cheeks grew red. “Well at least you don’t have to hear it!”

“Is this the bench?” Raven pointed to the only bench the sat under a swooning tree across the lake. 

“Yep. That’s the one.” 

Clarke placed the sticky note over the engraving she had made a year ago. 

“This will be a really good present to make up for you missing your two year anniversary,” Raven smirked as they walked to town where their next destination was. 

“God, I hope so.” Clarke breathed out. 

“I called Anya again to make sure she hasn’t talked to Lexa at all today,” Raven said. “She’s doing a good job.” 

“Good,” Clarke nodded. “The plan is working so far.” 

Arkadia Bevz was in view only two minutes after they started walking. They were lost in conversation, but Clarke wasn’t listening. She only tried to focus on getting her heart rate go back to normal. She thought of Lexa probably on her way to the hospital at the moment. She wasn’t quite sure. Clarke felt her arms prick with shocking warmth and she couldn’t help but panic. What if Lexa hadn’t even seen the note? She surely would’ve. Clarke shook her head and willed herself to keep calm. The plan would work, and before she knew it, she would be down on one knee asking Lexa to be her wife. The shakes taking over her body didn’t subside but at least the pulse jumping in her neck was no longer visible. 

Arkadia Bevz was warm as it usually was. The coffee shop was busy and filled with a various amount of different conversations. Clarke spotted Murphy behind the bar stacking pastries in the display case with a mopey face. 

“You have the scone in your purse right?” Clarke asked Octavia. 

Octavia dug through her purse and pulled out the white chocolate cinnamon scone bundled in plastic wrap. She handed it to Clarke, and Clarke nodded a thank you. She walked up to the bar and cleared her throat. Murphy shot up and once he saw it was Clarke, a fastidious glare washed over his face. Clarke smiled weakly at him, hoping he would do this one thing for her.

“Hey, Caspian,” Clarke said. “I mean Murphy.” 

Murphy rolled his eyes. “What do you want, Clarke?” 

“I’m going to ask Lexa to marry me.” 

Murphy looked unimpressed. 

“Bravo.” 

“So, I was wondering if you could do one tiny thing for me?” 

Murphy looked from Clarke, to Octavia, to Raven, then back to Clarke again. 

“Depends what it is.” 

Clarke scooted the scone to him across the bar. “Just save this for Lexa when she comes in. And if you could give me a cup to put a note on it, you could fill it with the pumpkin spice anything, and give it to her. I can pay for the drink.” 

Murphy glanced over at all three girls again. The brunette with green eyes and a jawline that could cut glass looked impatient as she rolled her eyes and tapped her foot. The brunette with huge chocolate colored eyes stared at him like she would tear his head off if he dared to say no. Then he looked at Clarke and saw the pleading look sketched all over her puppy dog face. He would never admit it, but Clarke and Lexa were his favorite customers. They came in almost every day and usually ordered the most expensive things he had on is his menu. Despite the unnerving nickname they had formed for him, he appreciated them. And he was honestly very excited that they found their happiness together. 

“Yeah okay,” he mumbled and grabbed the scone from the blonde. Clarke sighed in relief and started to dig for the money in her purse when Murphy halted her. 

“It’s on me,” Murphy said. Clarke looked at him incredulously. “Good luck with today. I’m happy for you both.” 

Clarke hadn’t been so shocked before. Murphy rolled his eyes. 

“So is this some sort of scavenger hunt thing?” He asked and continued to place doughnuts in the case. 

“That’s exactly what it is,” Clarke beamed at the man. “She should be coming here soon. We have one more place to stop before the final destination.” 

“I bet she’ll be more than flattered. Good luck, Clarke.” Murphy nodded at her one last time and then disappeared through the back door where the rest of the pastries were kept in boxes. Clarke stared at the door in disbelief. She had never seen Murphy be so nice. Let alone to her. 

“That was strange.” Clarke laughed and followed her friends out the door. 

“Yeah he’s usually a big douche,” Raven commented. 

“I’ll be sure tip him extra the next time we go there.” 

“I would’ve got in his pants if he was going to say no.” 

“Raven.” Octavia and Clarke both groaned. 

“What? Don’t act so surprised.” 

Clarke shook her head. She knew well enough Raven was in love with Anya and living with her was only making it even more obvious. Clarke stared at her best friend as they drove to Dims and hoped more than anything that her and Anya would stop being so stubborn. Raven more than anyone deserved happiness. 

 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

The art gallery was closed for the day. Everyone was on vacation and Clarke’s coworkers knew better than to bug her on her day off. Dims was definitely dimmed, and the displays of art could barely be seen from the outside doors and windows. Clarke almost grumbled at the sight of seeing her work, but then she looked down at the sticky note and smiled. It was her day off, and tomorrow was yet another day she could spend entirely with Lexa. That is, if she says yes. Clarke shook the thoughts from her head and walked up to the glass double doors. She pulled the key necklace out of her pocket and placed it around the silver handles, then stuck the note just above it. 

“Ah, the very place I was betrayed by my own best friend,” Octavia mocked. 

“Are you ever going to truly forgive me for that, O?” Clarke sighed. 

“Probably not.” 

“This is also the place Jasper peed in the tiny cat bowl behind the bush,” Raven pursed her lips.

Clarke’s mouth dropped. “He what?”   
“Anyyyywayyyy,” Raven turned and started walking back to the car. “We’d better get you to the secret place you refuse to show us.” 

“It would be against Lexa’s wishes,” Octavia sing songed and slammed the door after getting into the driver seat. “I can’t believe still look so flawless after all of this. You’re like a damn goddess, Clarke.” 

“I can’t really believe it either. My curls surely would’ve gone flat by now, and my dress isn’t even starting to bug me yet.” 

“It’s fate,” Raven yawned. 

“Lexa’s gonna want that dress on the floor after today,” Octavia winked. Before Clarke could retort, Octavia pressed on the gas and they revved forward, the cranky engine squealed and they were off. Clarke felt her heart start to punch against her chest and she pressed herself back into the seat as far as she could go. Breathe. Just breathe.

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

“You cannot walk all the way up,” Raven shook her head in doubt. “You’ll be breathless the first two minutes hiking up that hill.” 

“I’ll have a bit time to rest once I’m up there,” Clarke argued and stepped out of the car. 

“Just let us drive you up there. We won’t tell Lexa we saw her place.” Octavia leaned over the steering wheel and eyed Clarke. “In that dress and those heels too? Come on, Clarke.” 

But Clarke wouldn’t budge. She shook her head and hiked up her dress a bit. 

“I can do it. Thank you guys so much for helping me today. It means more to me than you know. I love you guys.” 

“We love you, Griff,” Octavia and Raven said in unison. 

“Do you have the ring?” Clarke nodded. “Rae, give her the candles and lighter.” Octavia ordered. 

Without a snarky comment, Raven did as she was asked and handed Clarke the bag with the red lighter. “Be careful. Don’t need any forest fires.” Raven warned.

“Tell us all about it when you can. And if you need us, just call.” Octavia said. Clarke nodded, then turned to the open road leading into the woods. Octavia backed out and all Clarke could hear was the wheels crumbling over gravel. Then she was alone. Her heart returned to its nervous behavior and began to throw itself against her chest nearly about to burst. Clarke blamed it on her being so unfit walking up the hill in her heels. But she knew she had never been so nervous before. She was so ready to take this next step and start her life with Lexa. And she was sure Lexa was too. It still didn’t quench the inevitable worry gnawing at her insides. 

Once Clarke finally made it to Lexa’s place, she was nearly out of breath. She heaved and placed her hands on her knees, trying to feed her lungs the air they begged for. She turned her head and glanced out over the city. The sun bathed it in warm orange light and the cars honked below as the trees swayed lightly beside her. Clarke understood why Lexa loved this place even though it held such a bad memory. It was breathtakingly beautiful up there. 

Clarke began to place the candles on the ground so they would lead to her in the perfect path. Once the wind began to subside, she started to light them. It looked beautiful, and Clarke was proud of herself. Today had worked out so well and she couldn’t wait to see Lexa. 

Clarke stood in her spot that would reveal herself before Lexa in the best way, and locked her hands together. Ten minutes later, the sound of an engine made Clarke’s heart jump. If it wasn’t Lexa, it would be super awkward. But then, she saw long brunette waves as her tall beautiful girlfriend stepped out of her car. This was it. Clarke steadied her breathing, squeezed the ring in her palm and readied herself for the big question. She quickly smoothed out her dress, placed her hair over her shoulders, then looked ahead. Lexa stood there in shock. And Clarke’s heart melted. She was ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a ton of dialog in this chapter. This was Clarke’s side of the engagement day. I hope you all liked it, and the next chapter will be the final chapter of To Be Loved and to Hear You. Enjoy! And thank you for reading.


	10. I Do

Lexa was speechless. She finally understood why the women in those films always took forever to say yes when their lover was down on one knee preaching their love and eternal affection for them. Clarke looked up at her with expectant blue eyes. Lexa opened her mouth, then snapped it shut. Words. She needed to form words. Lexa then shakily took Clarke’s hand and pulled her up, so she was standing before her. Clarke raised her eyebrow and she soon turned blurry with the tears flooding Lexa’s eyes. Her mind went to the place it did when she couldn’t sleep at night. The one place she was guaranteed to always find happiness. Her memories with Clarke. 

“Lex, you don’t hold the stick like that,” Clarke giggled through her drunk stupor. She ran her hands over Lexa’s bare arms and adjusted the pool stick. Lexa leaned over the pool table busting in giggles. 

“I don’t hold any sort of sticks, Clarke,” Lexa chuckled even more. Clarke leaned into Lexa’s bum and rested her head on her lover’s back. Her head bobbed and vibrated as Lexa’s laughter ran through her and she could no longer push her own laughter away. 

“You’re so drunk, Lexa” 

“Mmm and you’re not?” Lexa dropped the stick on the table with a thwack and turned so she could press her front to Clarke’s. She draped her arms lazily around Clarke’s neck and stole a kiss from Clarke’s pouty lips. 

“You’re- more- drunk,” Clarke muttered in between kisses. “We should go home.” 

“I am home.” Lexa stared into Clarke’s eyes and through her drunkenness, she saw Clarke perfectly. All else around her blurred and spun. She blinked slowly and basked in the warmth from Clarke’s fingertips on her skin. 

“The home with the bed, my love,” Clarke smirked. Lexa pouted and nodded slowly. 

Clarke kissed Lexa’s cheek, forehead, and jaw. Lexa smiled dumbly at the blonde then she felt her stomach swoop and dip. She was suddenly being cradled in Clarke’s arms like a baby. 

“How can you carry me? You’re wasted.” 

Clarke shrugged. “I can do anything for you.” 

Lexa smiled warmly. “You big sap.” She flicked the brim of Clarke’s snapback she stole from Bellamy.   
“Ha ha” Clarke laughed and carried Lexa out of the family room of Octavia and Lincoln’s knowing well enough that everyone was gone and she and Lexa surely had the couch for the night. 

“Clarke.” 

 

“I think you put that end there,” Lexa scrunched her eyebrows as she read the directions. “And save that screw.” 

“Oh, I’m most definitely saving a screw,” Clarke winked. Lexa rolled her eyes and grinned. 

“Once we’re done with this table, you have me all to yourself,” Lexa promised. 

Clarke gave a mischievous grin. “On this table?” 

“You’re so perverted,” Lexa began to screw the leg of the table into its proper place. “But, yes. Maybe.” 

Clarke clapped her hands and began her work. 

“You know I love you right?” Clarke said after the table was finished. 

“You know I know,” Lexa cooed. “And I know you know I love you.” 

“Always will, commander.” 

Their lips met softly and Lexa sighed happily. 

“Me too, sky girl.”

 

Clarke looked at Lexa expectantly. Her fingers twitched around the ring and her palms could create their own sea. Her nerves were going to bust open. 

Lexa looked down at her beautiful girlfriend and tried to calm down her brain. Her heart beat fast, and she tried to untangle the words floating around in the depths of her mind. She locked eyes with her blue eyed beauty and whispered, “Yes.” 

Clarke let out a choked sob and smiled wider than Lexa had ever seen. Clarke shakily placed the beautiful ring on Lexa’s finger, and stood fast to hold Lexa in her arms. She peppered kisses all over Lexa’s face which had become wetted from her tears. 

“I love you so much, Lexa Woods.” Clarke kissed Lexa softly. 

“And I love you more than words could tell.”

A slight breeze flicked at the trees and the two women looked into each other’s eyes as the sky kissed the trees. They were each other’s forever. Their home. And they couldn’t wait to spend the rest of eternity together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this chapter was extremely short. I warned you. This is last the chapter. But I’ve considered making this into a series. I might write a different one but of Lexa and Clarke’s life after they’re married. Tell me what you think. Thank you all again for reading. I appreciate it so much.


End file.
